Fiery Fo'bidden Love

"Willie, dun did ya' clean down dose rooms likes ah' ax'ed?" queried some slightly grumpy Barnabas Collins as he made his way into de drawin' room. WORD!
     "Yeah. Lop some boogie.  It's all done.  Say, whut dun did ya' wanna do wid dis ole scribblin' uh poetry I found.  ah' dink it belongs t'ya'."
     "Scribblin' uh poetry?"
     "Yeah. Lop some boogie. It wuz in some trunk of doodads dat had yo' dojigger on it fum when ya' wuz some little kid.  I guess ya' wuz writin' all about some goat ya' knowed.  Look here" Willie replied as he jimmey'd de scribblin' t'de lone entry written in it. Man!
     Barnabas eyes clouded ova' as he eyeball de contents uh de scribblin'.  "I gotsn't seen dis in a real long time.  ah' tried t'fo'get all about dis."
     "But Barnabas, de poem wuz fine.  Why dun did ya' wanna fo'get it. Man! Didn't ya' scribble dis fo' Josette?" Willie ax'ed, confused at his master's response.
     "No," he replied solemnly. Slap mah fro!  "It wuz written fo' mah' fust love, some honky chick dojiggerd dat fine femahnaine ladee."
     "Whut happened t'her?"
     "She wuz placed into an arranged marriage t'my Uncle Jerimiah by mah' pops.  Soon afterwards, she wuzwasted in some terrible fire. ah' wuz only ten years old at da damn time.  I wrote da damn poem t'say baaaad bye t'her, but ah' neva' had da damn courage to go out t'ha' grave and eyeball it t'her. Ah be baaad...  We used t'read poetry togeder durin' de afternoons when ah' wuz done wid mah' lessons."
     "Well, it's not too late.  ah' mean, she be still out dere waitin' fo' ya' mosey on down and eyeball poetry t'her," responded Willie.
     "Dank ya' Willie.  You's may go now," said Barnabas as he strode upside to de coatrack t'pick up his familiar Inverness cape.
     "Alright, Barnabas," Willie said as de front doo' t'de Old Crib closed.  "And, baaaad luck. Ya' know?"
     A sho't time lata' at Eagle Hill Cemetary some lone figure made his way down t'a lonely grave marked "dat fine femahnaine ladee Stockbridge Collins 1745-1767."
     "Beloved dat fine femahnaine ladee, ah' come here tonight t'do sump'n ah' wish ah' had done some long time ago, but never had da damn courage t'do. 'S coo', bro.  Now, here ah' am. WORD!  Please fo' gimme fo' not bein' able t'come here until now and hangin' dis.
     "A lot gots happened since den. 'S coo', bro.  ah' ain't de same sucka' dat ah' wuz den, if ya' still dink a sucka' in mah' state kin still be given de luxury uh bein' called some sucka'. However, ah' made some vow t'do sump'n long ago and now ah' am here t'fulfill it. Man!
     "Dis be sump'n I wrote t'ya' some long time ago. 'S coo', bro.  ah' know it ain't de best poem in de wo'ld.  Most uh it wuz plum random doughts placed in no particular cadence o' rhymin' pattern o' nuthin likes dat. Man!  It wuz plum whut I felt at da damn time.  ah' hope dat whereeva' ya' may be, ya' gots'ta hear dis and know dat it comes from mah' heart. Man!
"We had lots uh fun togeder
By de calm evenin' seas
You's who wuz so's warm t'me
I kin now see yo' dream

"As dis wuz our fust love
Our spirits wuz made t'boogie
Every time we met
We wuz so's sweet wid each oder

"As de seasons past
We laughed and cried togeder
I recon'd dat we would neva' change

"Mah' love, dat time we rapped uh de future
Now, afta' it all, when ah' reflect on it
Warm feelin's is all ah' have

"In some place far away
Whut dreams do ya' now gots
I look t'de sky fo' an answer

"Mah' love, even if ya' love some sucka else now
Once in some while
Rememba' us in some co'na' of yo' heart

"Mah' love, ya' who wuz so's radiant
Shine likes dat fo'eva' mo'e."
     A raple tear fell fum de joker to de ground as he turned and left on de long walk plantation.
     Walkin' back towards de Old Crib, Barnabas changed his mind spontaneously, and started walkin' towards Widow's Hill. He wants'ed t'go where it had all ended fo' him, to where da damn only honky chick he had eva' loved had chosen dead rada' dan spend an eternity wid him as his vampire bride.
     De clear night, brisk, but not yet cold, as he knowed it would soon be, stars twinklin' in de sky, moon full and bright, dun did not match his dark sto'my depressed mood. De evenin' had started out coo' until Willie had found da damn poem he had written to dat fine femahnaine ladee, and afta' readin' it, some renaissance uh so'ts. Picturin' ha' fine blue eyes, and shinin' blonde fro in his mind, his doughts wuz racin' now ah' wonda' whut would have happened if ah' had been olda' den. 'S coo', bro.Would she gots loved me? Would ah' have loved ha' as much as Josette? Gazin' upside Widow's Hill, glancin' t'de rocks below, sadness crept into his soul, if he had one. De waves wuz poundin' and ro'in' upside de jagged rocks below, so cut me some slack, Jack. De rocks dat had claimed Josette so's many years befo'e. A heartwhup', and not one ah' recognize, Barnabas dought t'himself. De sound had shook him out uh his reverie. Standin' still not movin', plum listenin', he heard da damn steady poundin' uh de heartwhup' comin' closer. Ah be baaad...
     He could tell de sucka' knowed de terrain, and wuz not in some hurry. Slap mah fro! Downon him now, he turned around, his eyes widened in some whispuh' de wo'd escaped fum his moud, "dat fine femahnaine ladee."
    De night had been waaay coo' and clear; mists now seemed t'billow down fum de ground likes soft feada' pillows. He knowed it wuz dat fine femahnaine ladee, even dough de figure wuz dressed in some long, hooded cloak. Ya' know? He stood, as if frozen t'de spot, unable to move.
     De figure moved toward him, slowly drowin' de hood back t'reveal de gold spun fro, pulled back away fum ha' face and tied wid a ribbon. 'S coo', bro. Ha' eyes wuz as crystal blue as always, just as he'd remembered. As she approached him, ha' moud curved into some sweet, sensuous smile. "So, Barnabas," she said in greetin'. "We meet again. 'S coo', bro." Ha' voice wuz soft, beatal.
     He held his hand out to her, and she grasped it. Man! Ha' flesh wuz soft and real warm t'de touch. Lop some boogie."dat fine femahnaine ladee," he whispuh'ed. "But how--?"
     "You's summoned me, dun didn't ya' know dat? Wid yo' doughts uh love, ya' awakened me fum mah' slumber. Ah be baaad... I's gots'ta be here again now, so cut me some slack, Jack." She reached out wid ha' oda' hand and gently caressed de side uh his face. "Oh, Barnabas," she said wid some sigh. Lop some boogie. "You's've grown up, gotsn't ya'? How ah' rememba' de sweet little boy wid de soft brown eyes who would follow me fum room t'room. WORD! ah' can still see dat boy in ya', but ah' also see da damn man ya''ve become."
     He stepped toward her, pullin' ha' into his embrace. His cloak enfolded dem bod. He bent his haid waaay down t'meet ha' upturned one and pressed his cold lips t'ha' very warm, passionate moud. All doughts uh Josette wuz rolln fum his mind. He dun didn't dink uh Vicki o' Maggie o' Julia as he felt himself bein' drawn in by de fiery creature befo'e him. WORD! He knowed whut she real wuz; he knowed whut some danga' she could represent not only t'himself but t'de rest uh de family. Slap mah fro! He dun didn't care, fo' in dis moment, all dat mattered wuz dat his fust love wuz here befo'e him and dat she wants'ed him, too. 'S coo', bro.
     Releasin' ha' from de fiery passionate kiss, he could feel de vampire demandin' t'be satisfied.  He knowed he could no longa' control his urges, he wuz goin' t'snatch her now, make ha' his.  Damn de consequences. He could feel his fangs descendin' fum deir sheads, his eyes wuz golden wid desire, dat fine femahnaine ladee wuz clutchin' him. WORD! "Yeah man, Barnabas, make me yo's," de fine bein' whispuh'ed t'him. WORD!
     "Yeah man, dat fine femahnaine ladee, ah' will make ya' mine, " Barnabas whispuh'ed seductively, while strokin' de side of ha' jaw wid his fo'efin'er. Ah be baaad..." He sank his veins into her, and she clutched at him, moans uh ecstasy fillin' de mists surroundin' dem. WORD! He stroked ha' back wid feadery moshuns, touchin', and sensin' ha' fo'm, knowin' dat she wants'ed him t'make mo'tal love t'her. Ah be baaad... He could tell fum h a' blood ha' desire wuz some livin' doodad dat controlled her. Ah be baaad... She desired t'control, but knowed she could neva' could control him, and he felt ha' excitement at dat, and it 'sited him. WORD!
     De waves uh desire and pleasho' man wuz wuzhin' upside ha' in to'rents, and feedin' back t'him. WORD! He wuz real erect, and wants'ed ha' now, so cut me some slack, Jack. He disengaged his fangs, and pulled out uh deir embrace, and told ha' to undress now, so cut me some slack, Jack. She told him, no. 'S coo', bro. He stared at ha' very coldly, and said so's be it. Man! "dat fine femahnaine ladee, ya' is unda' my control, ya' know dat, duzn't ya'?" De quesshun ax'ed in some wastedly quiet voice. De eyes back t'de no'mal colo', only dey wuz brother bottomless pits, de fangs had receded, but his countenance wuz wastedly. Slap mah fro! De Vampire dun did not likes to be disobeyed by his victims.
     "Barnabas, ah' ain't human likes oda' honky chicks," dat fine femahnaine ladee said wid laughta' in ha' voice.
     "dat fine femahnaine ladee, ya' gots'ta do as ah' say," Barnabas said, de desire and lust dick in his voice, he wuz advancin' closa' to her. Ah be baaad...
     "Barnabas, why do ya' wants' me so's baaaadly?" dat fine femahnaine ladee ax'ed him real serious by now, so cut me some slack, Jack.
     Barnabas wuz distracted, dat fine femahnaine ladee noticed it, and den she knowed why, de smell uh jasmine wuz dick in de air. Ah be baaad...
     Dis wretched place, dat fine femahnaine ladee dought t'herself, and now she be back. Ya' know?
     "You's! Right on!" dat fine femahnaine ladee said to de ghostly fo'm uh de fine Josette Collins.
     "Yeah man, me. And ya' will not gots him. WORD! He be mine fo' all eternity! Right on!" De ghostly fo'm uh Josette Collins said in some very soft, but determined tone.
     Barnabas wuz transfixed by de fo'm uh Josette, as if he wuz paralyzed. He plum watched da damn two 'shange wo'ds. He heard dat fine femahnaine ladee reply t'Josette, "we gots'ta plum see about dat. Man! Go back t'yo' grave where ya' belong! Right on!" dat fine femahnaine ladee said her eyes glowin'.
     "dat fine femahnaine ladee, is you all right?" Barnabas ax'ed.
     "Come here, Barnabas,"dat fine femahnaine ladee said seductively, she had made down ha' mind, she would gots Barnabas right here and now, so cut me some slack, Jack.
     De jasmine scent grew stronger, suffocatin'ly so, but dat fine femahnaine ladee continued t'draw Barnabas t'her wid ha' fiery heat. Man! He could not resist. Man! De jasmine wuz growin' stronger. Ah be baaad...
     As Barnabas moved to snatch dat fine femahnaine ladee into his embrace, he could hear de voice uh his once beloved Josette whispuh'in' into his ear, "Not dis one, mah' love, she be evil."
     Barnabas felt as if he wuz movin' t'anoda' plane, his body caught in time and space betweendat fine femahnaine ladee and ha' warm desire and da damn edereal spirit uh Josette. It wuz as if time stopped movin'.He found himself facin' Josette. "You's released me, beloved," he protested.
     "Dat be true; fo' dere is some sucka who be to be yo' own true love. It be not me and dat be why I released us fum each oder. Ah be baaad... But ah' also know dat dis bein' be evil and gots'ta destroy ya', and ah' yet feel such some strong bond dat ah' gots'ta stop ya'. I duzn't wants' ya' t'be destroyed, beloved."
     "dat fine femahnaine ladee kinnot control me; ah' control her," Barnabas argued. "I gots wants'ed ha' since ah' wuz some yung boy. Slap mah fro!"
     "She gots'ta use dat wants' against ya', beloved, t'destroy ya'. She be not human, as ya' once wuz, and she gots neva' had mo'tal feelin's as ya' once dun did. She gots'ta use ya' t'get whut she wants's, and dat be Isaac. She wuz been reawakened to ha' o'iginal purpose-yo' love fo' ha' called ha' back, but now dat she be here, she desires not only t'have ya', but t'have ha' son as well."
     "Mah' God! Right on!" Barnabas 'slaimed, shocked by de eno'mity uh whut he had done by de simple eyeballin' uh his love poem. WORD! "Whut am ah' to do?"
     "You's gots'ta destroy her, beloved-ya' gots'ta act t'save yo'self and everyone else at Collinwood fum dis creature dat gots been unloosed again. 'S coo', bro."
     Barnabas wuz stunned, to put it mildly. Slap mah fro! De events uh dis evenin' wuz mos' too much fo' to him t'comprehend. It would be difficult enough t'try t'deal wid dis on some no'mal day (o' night), but wid de heavy fog uh desire still hangin' upside him, dinkin' wuz nearly impossible. He knowed he had t'do sump'n t'stop dat fine femahnaine ladee fum destroyin' Isaac, but den again, whut?
     "Barnabas darlin'," whispuh'ed dat fine femahnaine ladee seductively in his ear, "fo'get whut she gots said. I'm here now, so cut me some slack, Jack. We kin be togeda' now in some way dat wuzn't possible befo'e. Snatch me now and I'll show ya' whut ah' can do fo' ya'."
    "NO! Right on! Not now! Right on! Fo' gimme, beloved, but ah' gots'ta go. 'S coo', bro." Barnabas quickly dematerialized t'escape dis situashun. He knowed he had t'get away fum bod dat fine femahnaine ladee and Josette if he wuz t'have any hope uh tryin' t'solve dis difficult puzzle. Barnabas knowed dat he had t'protect Isaac at all costs.
     Materializin' near Collinwood, Barnabas took several deep breads t'clear his haid and checked his watch. Lop some boogie. It wuz mos' ten. 'S coo', bro. Julia would still be awake at dis time and wuz probably eyeballin' anoda' one uh ha' medical journals. Wid some heavy heart, Barnabas jimmey'd de doo' and haided into de drawin' room. WORD! Fo'tunately, everyone seemed t'have gone out fo' de evenin' as dere wuz no one save Julia in sight in eider de drawin' room o' de foyer. Ah be baaad...
    "Good evenin', Barnabas. You's look downset. Man! Is sump'n wrong?" queried Julia as she looked down fum ha' latest issue uh JAMA.
     "Sump'n terrible has happened, Julia. WORD! But fust, ah' need t'know sump'n.  Is Isaac here?"
     "No, he and Roga' left dis afternoon t'go t'Boston. 'S coo', bro. Whut's goin' on?" Julia ax'ed wid concern creepin' into ha' voice.
     "Somehow, ah' dun did sump'n today dat ah' dun didn't dink wuz possible. ah' wuz at Eagle Hill tonight, sayin' baaaad-bye t'a part uh my past ah' had fo'gotsten. 'S coo', bro. Somehow ah' resurrected some sucka fum de past and dat sucka' desires t'have Isaac and mah'self."
     "Barnabas, whut are ya' rapin' about?" Julia looked at him incredulously. Slap mah fro! "Whut do ya' mean, 'desires' t'have ya' and Isaac?"
     Barnabas took anoder deep bread befo'e answerin'. "dat fine femahnaine ladee Collins be back and she wants's me and ha' son. 'S coo', bro."
     "Dat's impossible! Right on!" said some new voice enterin' de drawin' room. WORD! "I dought dat fine femahnaine ladee had been destroyed by fire and couldn't return t'claim Isaac."
     "No, Quentin. 'S coo', bro. dat fine femahnaine ladee came back fum de grave," some now solemn Barnabas replied. "I duzn't know how it happened, but it dun did and now she wants's me and Isaac."
     "But why?" Julia and Quentin ax'ed simultaneously. Slap mah fro!
     "I wants' Barnabas a'cuz I love him. WORD! And dis time ah' gots'ta get whut ah' wants'," said dat fine femahnaine ladee as everyone gasped in shock at ha' sudden appearance in de drawin' room. WORD!
     "You's! Right on!" Quentin said.
     "Yeah man, Quentin, it's me. ah' gots'ta say ah' am as surprised t'see ya' as ya' is to see me," dat fine femahnaine ladee said ha' eyes now widened. De calmness leavin' dem as she saw some sucka from anoda' lifetime.
     Now all eyes wuz on Quentin as de 'shange between Quentin and dat fine femahnaine ladee wuz goin' on. 'S coo', bro.
     "Whut do ya' mean ya' mean t'have Barnabas and Isaac?" Quentin ax'ed in some steely voice.
     "Oh, Quentin, dear, I dink ya' know 'esactly whut ah' mean," dat fine femahnaine ladee reto'ted.
     "Quentin, ah' duzn't know exactly whut be goin' on here. ah' duzn't dig it how ya' and dat fine femahnaine ladee could possibly know one anoder. Ah be baaad... She got wasted when ah' wuz some boy," Barnabas info'med his cousin. 'S coo', bro.
     "Well, Cousin Barnabas, I'm plum as surprised as ya' are, cuz' dis honky chick got wasted in 1896 in a fire in Alexandria, Egypt," Quentin told Barnabas neva' takin' his eyes off de honky chick he dought he would neva' see again. 'S coo', bro.
     "Barnabas, Quentin, whut on eard is you rapin' about?" Julia finally demanded. She dun didn't likes feelin' left out, especially wid sump'n likes dis.
     Igno'in' Julia, Quentin laughed as he said, "You's *love* *Barnabas*. Youse not capable uh lovin' any sucka, dat fine femahnaine ladee, and ya' know it. Man! And as far as Isaac goes, ah' dink ya' tried dat wid Jamison. 'S coo', bro. It dun didn't wo'k wid him, and it won't wo'k wid Isaac." Quentin wuz tauntin'.
     Barnabas felt himself grow angry as his cousin rapped t'dis fine honky chick whom had captured his heart as some yung boy, and he still wants'ed her. Ah be baaad... He couldn't help it. Man!
     Quentin and Julia wuz startled when Barnabas all but shouted at dem, "Leave mah' crib, bod of ya'." Barnabas commanded.
     Julia dun didn't respond, and Quentin jimmey'd his moud t'rap but da damn look Barnabas gave him, stopped him. WORD!
     "Come on, Quentin, let's go. 'S coo', bro. We'll rap t'Barnabas later," Julia said gesturin' t'Quentin t'leave.
     Afta' Quentin and Julia left, Barnabas stood starin' at dat fine femahnaine ladee wants'in' t'ax' ha' whut Quentin meant, but all uh a sudden it dun didn't mean nuthin t'him, he plum wants'ed her again. 'S coo', bro. He jimmey'd his arms, and she ran into his embrace, pullin' ha' into him, she turned ha' haid, and he sunk his fangs into her, 'esertin' mo'e of his control upside her. Ah be baaad... He could feel ha' shudda' as de pleasho' man coursed drough her. Ah be baaad... He felt ha' press ha' breasts into him, as his manhood began to harden. 'S coo', bro. Pullin' ha' tight against him, he disengaged his fangs, and wid some powerful swoop liftin' ha' into his arms, kissed her, lettin' her taste da damn blood, and she pricked his lip and tasted his blood, and all reasonin' left him, he den continued walkin' downstairs t'de masta' bedroom. WORD!
     Meanwhile, in an abandoned area uh de East Win' uh Collinwood, some mist carryin' de scent uh jasmine began t'appear near an empty room dat wuz suddenly filled wid smoke. A lone figure emerged staggerin' and coughin' fum de smoky room and immediately fell t'de floo', grateful fo' de smoke free, yet stale air. Ah be baaad...
     In front uh de figure, de jasmine scented mist began t'slowly snatch on de ghostly fo'm uh Josette Collins.
     "Who. 'S coo', bro...who is you? Where am I?" ax'ed da damn figure, wonderin' if whut she saw wuz real o' some radical smoke induced hallucinashun.
     "I's gots'ta be some homey. In life ah' wuz knode as Josette Collins. You's is here in de time band where yo' beloved Barnabas currently lives dough it gots been one year fo' him since he last saw ya'.
     "You's see, ah' too, observed yo' acshuns drough de parallel time room. WORD! And, cuz' of whut gots happened here, ah' have been granted da damn powa' to brin' ya' here so's dat ya' may be able t'save Barnabas."
     "Whut gots happened t'Barnabas?" ax'ed da damn figure.
     "An evil entity fum Barnabas' childhood gots escaped fum de grave and returned here. De entity be a Phoenix monsta' dojiggerd dat fine femahnaine ladee Collins. Ha' goal here be de same as in de past. Man! She wantsa sacrifice ha' son in dis time, some boy dojiggerd Isaac Collins, t'de dark god Ra. WORD! She den planned t'be impregnated by Barnabas and den sacrifice Barnabas, de child and herself t'Ra. WORD!
     "dat fine femahnaine ladee recon's dat she gots bested me, but ah' have abilities and knowledge dat dat fine femahnaine ladee duzn't. Man! Vampires is sterile. dat fine femahnaine ladee gots'ta wait fo' one week afta' she gots cured him befo'e she kin attempt t'become pregnant. Man! It be durin' dat time dat ya' gots'ta save Barnabas."
     "But whut kin ah' do against dat fine femahnaine ladee Collins?" ax'ed da damn figure.
     "You's gots strong psychic powers, Roxanne. You's is de only one here who duz. You's gots strong abilities in de area uh psycplantationtry. Slap mah fro! You's gots'ta use dat powa' to discova' dat fine femahnaine ladee's weaknesses so's dat ya' and yo' allies kin destroy her. Ah be baaad..."
     Roxanne, who wuz mos' beyond believin' nuthin she had plum heard, managed t'compose herself and ax'ed, "Who is my allies?"
     "Julia Hoffman, whom ya' rememba' from when ya' met Barnabas and Quentin Collins. Give Julia dain'te," said Josette as she passed some piece uh sheet t'Roxanne. "But, ah' gots'ta warn ya' not t'seek out Barnabas tonight. Man! You's is still too weak fum yo' 'espuh'iences in de oda' time band. Go t'Julia. WORD! She gots'ta help ya' regain yo' strengd t'fight dat fine femahnaine ladee. Farewell."
     Wid dat, de spirit uh Josette faded away leavin' Roxanne alone in de hallway. Slap mah fro! De note in ha' hand wuz de only reason Roxanne recon'd any uh whut had happened. But, based downon ha' 'speriences in ha' native time band, why should she be surprised o' shocked by any uh whut she had heard. If some man kin use yo' life fo'ce t'brin' sucka's back fum de wasted, den why kin't da damn wasted mosey on down and help out da damn livin'? If ha' Barnabas wuz in danger, she would do nuthin t'help him. WORD! Afta' all, he risked himself many times t'save ha' from Timody Stokes, Claude No'd and deir diabolical plans.
     Afta' restin' some moment, Roxanne gots down and made ha' way waaay downstairs t'de drawin' room. WORD!

     In de drawin' room at Collinwood, Julia and Quentin sat (wid drinks in hand, uh course! Right on!) tryin' t'figure out whut t'do about Barnabas and dat fine femahnaine ladee.
     "I eyeball about dat fine femahnaine ladee Collins when ah' wuz goin' drough de family histo'ies afta' I fust arrived, but ah' had no idea dat she had been involved wid previous generashuns uh de Collinses. Dis gives new meanin' t'a comment Roga' once told me he made about visitin' his 'incesto's' at da damn mausoleum," remarked Julia. WORD!
     "I know, so cut me some slack, Jack. And it duzn't help dat every time she dies, she finds some way t'come back. Ya' know? ah' real wish we knowed how t'get rid uh ha' fo'ever. Ah be baaad..."
     "I dink ah' may be uh some help dere," said Roxanne as she entered da damn drawin' room. WORD! "I duzn't know 'esactly how ah' gots here, but if ya' two is tryin' t'help save Barnabas, den ah' wanna join ya'."
     Quentin and Julia wuz stunned t'silence.
    "Roxanne! Right on!" Julia said shocked.
    "Yeah man, Julia it be me," de yung honky chick said, starin' at some standin' Quentin. 'S coo', bro. He wuz plum as shocked as she wuz. She looked likes de vampire dat Barnabas had had hidden in de room behind da damn scribblin'case at de Old Crib, who had disappeared when she got wasted in 1840.
    He had seen ha' in de room in de East Win' also. 'S coo', bro. Dat's who dat goat wuz callin' fo' Barnabas in de smoke-filled room uh anoda' time band. How had she gotsten here, and whut wuz she rapin' about?
    "Whut do ya' mean, ya' wanna help us save Barnabas, yung honky chick" Quentin ax'ed ha' still preplexed.
    Afta' Roxanne had 'esplained t'dem about da damn ghostly visit uh Josette Collins, it made sense t'Quentin and Julia. WORD!
    "Roxanne, gots'ta ya' 'suse us fo' plum one minute. ah' need t'talk to Quentin about sump'n?" Julia said.
    "Sho' man," Roxanne replied.
    "Quentin, where be she goin' t'stay?" Julia ax'ed.
    "Here at Collinwood, uh course," Quenin said.
    "She looks plum likes de Roxanne dat wuz wid Sebastian Shaw, remember?" Julia ax'ed.
    "Well, I'll plum tell Roga' and Elizabed who she be and where she came from. WORD! Dey know all about dat room in de East Win'. Now, mah' dear, ya' is wo'ryin' too much. Lop some boogie. Duzn't wo'ry. Slap mah fro! I'll snatch care uh it. Man! " Quentin said.
    "De real problem we's goin' t'have be 'splainin' dat fine femahnaine ladee' s reappearance t'Roger, and dis dyin' desire she be displayin' fo' Barnabas," Julia said.
    "Oh, ah' dink he'll be grateful fo' dat," Quentin said sarcastically as one who knowed.
    "Well, at least he and Casdat fine femahnaine ladee gots reconciled, and dey're 'espectin' deir baby in about two monds," Julia said.
    "Julia, ya' know whut Casdat fine femahnaine ladee be goin' t'do when she sees dat fine femahnaine ladee, and dat fine femahnaine ladee sees her. Ah be baaad... ah' hope dey duzn't start deir territo'ial wars. She has been hard enough t'get along wid anyway lately,"Quentin said rememberin' his last encounta' wid Casdat fine femahnaine ladee, when he had refused t'go get ha' some funky food in de middle uh de night, when Roga' wuz on a business trip. Jes hang loose, brud.
    "Quentin, whut about Isaac?" Julia ax'ed.
    "Well, let's go dig Roxanne settled in, Quentin said, and den how about me and ya' goin' into Collinspo't, and goin' t'de Blue Whale, gots a drink, and rap dis over. Ah be baaad..." Quenint said holdin' Julia by de shoulders.
    "Dat, Quentin Collins, be an 'sellent idea," Julia said.
    "If ya' duzn't mind, I'd likes t'come wid ya' t'dis Blue Whale," Roxanne said, some uh de colo'in' returnin' t'ha' face.
    "Is you sho' man ya' feel well enough?" Julia ax'ed.
    "Dere is din's we need t'discuss away fum Collinwood," she 'splained, pullin' out da damn note Josette had given ha' and handin' it t'Julia. WORD! Julia eyeball it in shocked silence and den passed it t'Quentin. 'S coo', bro. "I would do nuthin t'help Barnabas," Roxanne said in some yearnin' tone dat caused Julia to cut ha' an odd, caustic glance.
     "How much dun did Josette tell ya'?" Julia ax'ed
    "Enough fo' me t'know dat ah' can depend on ya' t'help me. Dere are complicashuns dat ah' ain't fully aware of. You's kin gimme de details. Also, we kin develop some plan togeda' to save Barnabas and da damn little boy, Isaac."
    Dey'd gotsten into Quentin's car, Julia digtin' t'de back. Ya' know? Quentin gave Roxanne some speculative look. Ya' know? "We is to help ya'?" he ax'ed incredulously. Slap mah fro! "Fo' gimme, but…"
    Roxanne reached upside and took his hand in hers. She looked into his eyes and said softly, "You's is very old, yet ya' appear t'be yung and attractive. You's carry de pain uh a ho'rible secret, one which ya' prefa' not t'dink about no mo'. You's is very lonely in spite uh yo' handsome face. You's've lost yo' true love, gotsn't ya'? I'm so'ry. Slap mah fro!"
    Quentin felt da damn fros risin' along de back uh his neck. Ya' know? Frightened, he gently disengaged his hand fum Roxanne's. "How dun did ya' know all dat? Whut makes ya' so's sho' man uh yo'self?"
    "I kin't 'esplain t'ya' whut I'm not sho' man ah' dig it mah'self. ah' only know dat ah' can help ya' against dis dat fine femahnaine ladee. ah' already know so's much about ha' by holdin' de note written by Josette Collins. She wuz fust married to Barnabas' uncle, wuz she not?"
    "Boy, ah' need dat drink now," Quentin muttered, startin' de car. Ah be baaad...
    "Yeah man, and she gots returned twice since," Julia began. 'S coo', bro. "Once as Quentin's sister-in-law de late nineteend century. Slap mah fro!" Roxanne wuzn't shocked; she seemed t'know de trud about Quentin anyway. Slap mah fro! "She tried t'immolate herself and ha' children by Edward Collins, but she wuz dwarted by Barnabas. Den, mo'e recently, she wuz de mama uh Roga' Collins and attempted t'snatch ha' son Isaac in de same way. Slap mah fro! Isaac's governess saved him. WORD!"
    "She be a phoenix," Roxanne commented. "She gots returned cuz' of de poem Barnabas wrote as some boy. Slap mah fro! Do ya' dink ah' might be able t'touch it?" Quentin and Julia 'shanged puzzled looks. "It's plum dat ah' can 'read' doodads fum sump'n ah' touch. Lop some boogie. ah' might be able t'tell how it wuz dat Barnabas wuz able to brin' dat fine femahnaine ladee back prematurely, o' ah' might be able t'detect some vulnerable spot in ha' from holdin' dat piece uh sheet."
    Dey'd arrived at da damn Blue Whale and took some table in de back. Ya' know? Quentin wuz quick t'o'da' some drinks fo' dem all; de yung honky chick Roxanne wuz fine and real desirable, but she'd totally unnerved him. WORD! Den he said, "I dink we can arrange dat, Roxanne."
     "And ah' dig it about Angelique as well. ah' gots dat info'mashun fum Josette, but she wuz in 1897, too, wuz she not?"
     "Dat's right! Right on!" Julia 'slaimed, surprised.
     Roxanne looked directly at Quentin. 'S coo', bro. "Dere be a lot dat ah' do know already. Slap mah fro!"
    Quentin looked at his hand nervously, den surreptitiously wiped it on his pants. When de drinks came, he picked his down and gulped it. Man! "Do ya' know about Casdat fine femahnaine ladee?" he ax'ed.
     "No--ya''d betta' tell me about her. Ah be baaad... Dat's why ah' felt it wuz impo'tant fo' us t'talk. Ya' know?"
    "Casdat fine femahnaine ladee be Angelique," Julia 'esplained. "She returned some time ago to to'ment Barnabas again. 'S coo', bro. She wuz married t'Roga' but left him when ha' plans failed. However, she has--returned, and she and Roga' have reconciled. Dey are about t'have deir fust child togeder. Ah be baaad..."
    "And she's cranky as hell," Quentin put in. 'S coo', bro. "And if ya' rememba' everydin' about 1897, den ya' know de part Angelique played in digtin' rid uh dat fine femahnaine ladee."
    "Perhaps Casdat fine femahnaine ladee kin be an ally. Slap mah fro! I'd gots'ta meet ha' to be able t'tell."
    "Casdat fine femahnaine ladee be a real unpredictable entity," Julia said den. 'S coo', bro. "She seems to have fo'gotsten about Barnabas, and she seems t'care fo' Roga' and da damn baby, but ah' am wo'ried about how she'll react when she realizes dat Barnabas has brought dat fine femahnaine ladee back somehow--and dat he apparently wants's her, and she wants's him. WORD! She may not care; on de oda' hand, she could be mosey on down jealously infuriated--and den she would be some dangerous enemy, not an ally. Slap mah fro!"
    "I'm not sho' man how she'd react t'ya', Roxanne," Quentin added. "You's love Barnabas yo'self, duzn't ya'?"
    "I'll gots'ta snatch dat chance. Won't ah' be meetin' her--when ya' introduce me t'Elizabed and Roger?"
     "Dat's true," Julia said.
     "I need only shake ha' hand, as ah' dun did yo's, Quentin," Roxanne said. "I dink I'll be able t'get some 'feel' fo' how she would react t'me--and to dat fine femahnaine ladee."
     "dat fine femahnaine ladee," Quentin said doughtfully. Slap mah fro! "We still gots'ta find some way t'get rid of her. Ah be baaad..."
    "Let's start wid dat letter," Roxanne suggested. "Brin' me t'Collinwood, introduce me t'de family, and den brin' me dat letter. Ah be baaad..."
    It seemed da damn best plan uh acshun, and dey wuz all agreed. Dey finished deir drinks and went back t'Collinwood.
    Only Elizabed wuz down and in de drawin' room when dey came in. 'S coo', bro. As agreed, Quentin took upside and made da damn introducshuns t'his cousin. 'S coo', bro. He 'esplained dat he had found Roxanne comin' out uh de East Win' hall, fum de direcshun of de Parallel Time room. WORD! Elizabed wuz intrigued. "Of course ya' is welcome to stay wid us, mah' dear. Ah be baaad... All uh dis gots'ta be some tremendous shock fo' ya'. In dat oda' time, Quentin menshuned dat dere wuz some fire. And ya' somehow survived it?"
     "Yeah man, ah' dun did. Not much uh dat Collinwood remains, but dere be enough uh a structure left dat ah' made mah' way back t'de room-and it changed once again. 'S coo', bro. I found mah'self here."
     "Whut on eard would make ya' go back into such some dangerous place?" Elizabed wondered.
     "I wuz concerned fo' two homeys dat ah' dought wuz trapped dere. ah' wuz hopin' t'find some-clue o' remnants dat would tell me whut had happened to dem. WORD!"
    "And dun did ya'?" ax'ed Elizabed.
     "Oh, yeah man. Didn't ya' know? One uh my homeys wuz Julia, and da damn oda' wuz Barnabas. ah' can't tell ya' how delighted ah' am t'find Julia alive and well." Roxanne turned and gave Julia some fine smile.
    Just den, de doo' opened. Quentin gots down and went into de foyer. Ah be baaad... "Roger! Right on! Casdat fine femahnaine ladee! Right on! Youse plantation! Right on!" he called out, mo'e heartily dan he might gots no'mally. Slap mah fro!
     "Oh, darlin', ah' plum wanna sit waaay down. Mah' ankles is so swollen! Right on!" Casdat fine femahnaine ladee complained in some whinin' tone.
     "Of course, mah' pet. Man! Let me help ya' into de drawin' room. WORD!"
     "Ah, we gots some guest," Quentin said, precedin' dem into de room. WORD! Roga' came in, holdin' Casdat fine femahnaine ladee's arm t'suppo't her. Ah be baaad... Almost eight monds pregnant, she dun didn't seem t'have gained any weight; however, she looked ungainly and uncomfo'table. She wuz carryin' de baby high, and ha' face and ankles wuz swollen. 'S coo', bro. She looked wid annoyance at Julia and Elizabed, her eyes comin' t'rest suspiciously on Roxanne.
    "Roger, Casdat fine femahnaine ladee, may ah' present Roxanne Drew," Quentin began. 'S coo', bro. "Roxanne, mah' cousin Roga' and his lovely mama, Casdat fine femahnaine ladee Collins."
    Roxanne stepped fo'ward wid some pleasant smile and held ha' hand out to Casdat fine femahnaine ladee. "How do ya' do?"
    Casdat fine femahnaine ladee real dun didn't wanna meet any sucka knowed right now, but it looked as dough she had no choice. Shakin' de yung honky chick's hand, and invitin' ha' to sit waaay down, and had Roga' fix drinks fo' everyone. Casdat fine femahnaine ladee told Roga' to cut ha' plain booze, acceptin' milk afta' his affecshunate cajolin'. Casdat fine femahnaine ladee couldn't seem t'keep ha' eyes off her husband. How could she gots eva' left him? She wuz dankful every moment dat he had agreed t'reconciliashun, and had spent every second tryin' t'make down t'him any unhappiness she had caused.
    "Whut an 'espuh'ience fo' ya', Miss Drew," Casdat fine femahnaine ladee said, once it wuz 'splained t'ha' how Roxanne had ended down in deir crib. Quentin had left out da damn parts about dat fine femahnaine ladee and Josette. Casdat fine femahnaine ladee looked tired, no need t'cause ha' any undue stress until it wuz necessary, Quentin dought t'himself. De firewo'ks gots 'ta begin soon enough. Lop some boogie.
    "Casdat fine femahnaine ladee, Roxanne knowed Barnabas and Julia quite well," Elizabed said.
    "Gots Barnabas been told about Roxanne?" Casdat fine femahnaine ladee ax'ed.
    "No. 'S coo', bro. No, he ain't." Julia replied.
    "Well, duzn't ya' dink it would be some baaaad idea t'tell him as soon as possible dat dis yung lady be coo'?" Roga' ax'ed.
    "Well, he gots un'spected company, Roger. Ah be baaad... ah' duzn't dink now be de time," Quentin said fidgetin'.
    "Honey, where be Isaac?" Casdat fine femahnaine ladee ax'ed.
    "I recon' he's downstairs preparin' fo' dinner," Roga' said strokin' Casdat fine femahnaine ladee's fro.
    "If ya' all gots'ta excuse me, I'm goin' t'check on Isaac, and freshen down a little befo'e dinner," Casdat fine femahnaine ladee said.
    "Do ya' need me t'come wid ya'?" Roga' ax'ed lookin' ado'in'ly at his mama.
    "Oh, yeah dude, real much so, Casdat fine femahnaine ladee replied."
    "Ms. Drew, it wuz supa fine meetin' ya', and we gots'ta see ya' at dinner. Ah be baaad... Quentin, Julia, Elizabed, 'suse us, please," Roga' said takin' his mama's hand t'help ha' rise fum de divan. 'S coo', bro.
    "Well, I'd betta' go check wid Mrs. Johnson about dinner, and tell her we gots anoda' sucka' dat gots'ta dine wid us," Elizabed said as she wuz already walkin' out uh de drawin' room. WORD!
    "Well, whut dun did ya' surmise fum Casdat fine femahnaine ladee? Cuddy o' foe? Quentin ax'ed sarcastically, actually relieved Roga' wuz back. Ya' know? De last trip into Collinspo't lookin' fo' some special ice cream fo' de real pregnant Mrs. Roga' Collins had been nuthin but pleasant. Man! He couldn't make down his mind if he preferred ha' as some practicin' witch, it wuz runnin' a very close second.
    "Neider," Roxanne replied. (Knockin' on de doo')
    "Mah' gosh, ah' wonda' who dat could be," Julia remarked.
    Quentin and Julia stared at each oder, holdin' deir bread, hopin' it wuz not who dey dought it would be.
    Dey heard Elizabed answerin' de doo' and say, dig dis: "Why, baaaad evenin', Barnabas. How pleasant. Man!"
    "Elizabed, some joy as always, and as always ya' look absolutely fine, " ha' English cousin said.
    "Whut is you hangin' here?" Elizabed said loudly. Slap mah fro!
    "Oh boy," Quentin said as he and Julia gazed at one anoder, all his plans uh an evenin' uh baccarat wid Julia wuz dashed when he heard dat fine femahnaine ladee's voice.
     "I swear, dat joker has de wo'st timin' in de wo'ld! Right on! Why couldn't he gots stayed plantation until tomo'row when we could gots betta' prepared fo' dis! Right on!" grumbled Julia. WORD!
     "Sappnin' Elizabed. It's been some while," waaay coo'ly remarked dat fine femahnaine ladee.
     "dat fine femahnaine ladee! Right on! It kin't be! Right on! You's got wasted in de fire foe years ago! Right on! How dun did ya' mosey on down to be here wid Barnabas?"
     "In due time, Elizabed. Is Isaac in? ah' do so's wanna see him again. 'S coo', bro."
     "I'll bet," Quentin remarked dryly. Slap mah fro! "I bet she gots a real burnin' desire t'see him again. 'S coo', bro."
     "Shh! Right on! We duzn't wanna blow nuthin. Dis could wo'k out fo' de best. Man! Roxanne, is you eyebally?" said Julia, while secretly prayin' fo' doodads t'go smoodly. Slap mah fro!
     "I's gots'ta be eyebally, Julia," remarked Roxanne wid determinashun in ha' voice.
     "Cousin Barnabas, ah' have some baaaad news fo' ya'," said Quentin, comin' t'de rescue uh de still bewildered Elizabed. "Some sucka else ya' know gots come t'visit us."
     "Sappnin' Barnabas," said Roxanne as she stepped into de foyer. Ah be baaad... "I had dought dat ah' wouldn't be able t'see ya' until tomo'row cuz' Quentin and Julia told me dat ya' wuz busy wid company uh yo' own. 'S coo', bro. ah' am glad t'know dat ah' wuz missnatchn. 'S coo', bro." Wid dat she went upside to Barnabas and enveloped him in some bear hug. What it is, Mama!
     Now it wuz Barnabas' turn t'be stunned. Dis wuz de absolute last doodad he 'espected. He, likes Julia had recon'd dat Roxanne had got wasted in de fire. Now t'discova' dat she wuz not only alive, but here! Right on! And afta' he had done some real delicious doodads (in his opinion) wid dat fine femahnaine ladee! Right on! Life plum wuzn't fair, he dought t'himself.
     "Roxanne, ah' dought dat ya' wuzwasted in de fire at Collinwood? How dun did ya' dig here?"
     "I escaped da damn fire afta' ya' and Julia disappeared and afterwards ah' came back t'see whut had happened t'ya' and ah' ended down bein' transpo'ted here by dat funky room. WORD!"
     De happy reunion wuz interrrupted by some sharp clearin' uh de doat next t'Barnabas.
     "Barnabas dear, ya' gotsn't introduced me t'yo' homey yet," remarked an irritated dat fine femahnaine ladee.
     "So'ry. Slap mah fro! dat fine femahnaine ladee, dis be Roxanne Drew, so cut me some slack, Jack. We met each oda' when ah' traveled t'a parallel time band some year ago. 'S coo', bro."
     "Fine t'meet ya'," Roxanne said as she 'estened ha' hand out t'dat fine femahnaine ladee.
     Hesitantly, dat fine femahnaine ladee reached out and shook de proffered hand. "I's gots'ta be dat fine femahnaine ladee Collins, Roger's mama."
     "Duzn't ya' mean, 'ex-mama?'" said some very irritated Casdat fine femahnaine ladee at da damn top uh de stairs. "I's gots'ta be de current Mrs. Roga' Collins. You's fo'fitted yo' right t'bein' Roger's mama long ago. 'S coo', bro."
     "Great, plum whut we need. Casdat fine femahnaine ladee and dat fine femahnaine ladee digtin' into some cat fight," Quentin whispuh'ed t'Julia. WORD!
     "Dis might be baaaad. Dis could dig Casdat fine femahnaine ladee t'help us dig rid uh her. Ah be baaad... She hated dat fine femahnaine ladee as much as ya' dun did." suggested Julia. WORD!
     "Good point," agreed Quentin. 'S coo', bro.
     "And who is you?" ax'ed an now angry dat fine femahnaine ladee.
     "I, mah' dear dat fine femahnaine ladee, am Casdat fine femahnaine ladee Collins. ah' wants' ya' t'dig it now dat ya' is not welcome here in dis crib. ah' wants' ya' t'leave right now, so cut me some slack, Jack."
     "I gots'ta ya' know dat ah' gots'ta not be o'dered about by ya' o' any sucka here--"
     "And ah' gots'ta ya' know dat ah' know plum whut ya' wuz plannin' t'do t'Isaac durin' yo' last 'visit' t'Collinwood. ah' gots'ta not let dat happen. 'S coo', bro. I've dealt wid sucka's likes ya' befo'e, and ah' gots'ta do so's again if ah' must," Casdat fine femahnaine ladee waaay coo'ly replied. "Now kindly leave befo'e Roga' gets here o' ah' shall gots ya' drown out. Man!"
     "I recon' Cassanda be co'rect. Man! ah' dink it be time fo' ya' t'leave. You's've caused enough trouble here fo' one day," said Elizabed as she jimmey'd de doo'. "Cousin Barnabas, may ah' rap wid ya' fo' some moment in de study?"
     "Dis be not da damn end uh dis, Casdat fine femahnaine ladee Collins. Not by some long shot! Right on!" said dat fine femahnaine ladee as she quickly turned towards de doo'. "Barnabas, de evenin' wuz fun. 'S coo', bro. ah' gots'ta rap t'ya' later. Ah be baaad..." Wid dat, dat fine femahnaine ladee wuz gone.
     Barnabas, who had plum been standin' and watchin' de two honky chicks 'shange heated wo'ds, finally rapped. "Um. WORD!..yes, Cousin Elizabed. ah' gots'ta join ya' sho'tly. Slap mah fro!"
     Quentin, Julia and Roxanne all glanced at each oda' and smiled. It turns out dat baaaad old cranky Casdat fine femahnaine ladee may be an ally afta' all.
     A sho't time lata' in de cottage on de estate, dat fine femahnaine ladee Collins sat in front uh a ro'in' fire holdin' an ancient Egyptian artifact shaped likes some beetle.
    "Oh great Ra, yo' humble servant seeks yo' help in dealin' wid an enemy who would stop me fum deliverin' downon mah' promise t'ya'. Show me how t'defeat Casdat fine femahnaine ladee Collins."
     Elizabed wuz nuthin but some dense honky chick. She saw de looks passin' between ha' cousins, Julia, Casdat fine femahnaine ladee, and da damn funky yung honky chick fum de Parallel Time room, Roxanne. "Would some sucka mind 'esplainin' t'me plum whut be goin' on here?"
     "Nodin', oda' dan de fact dat some very unpleasant sucka' gots chosen to return t'Collinwood," Casdat fine femahnaine ladee replied waaay coo'ly. Slap mah fro! She looked at Barnabas. "She came in wid ya', dear cousin. 'S coo', bro. Whut be she hangin' here?"
     "Well," Barnabas said wid obvious discomfo't, "I wuz walkin' on Widow's Hill, and she plum appeared out uh de gloom. WORD!" He felt disloyal, somehow, and very confused and to'n between his feelin's fo' dat fine femahnaine ladee and his long-lost love, Roxanne.
     "Like so's many uh our proverbial ghosts," Casdat fine femahnaine ladee said wid cold aspuh'ity. Slap mah fro! "She be no ghost, dough. Lop some boogie. She be very real. How dun did she dig here?"
     "Dat's whut we's tryin' t'figure out," Julia answered. She looked at Elizabed kindly. Slap mah fro! "Would ya' mind 'susin' us? Dis be all so's confusin' fo' ya', I'm sho' man…"
     "Excuse me, but ah' do mind," Elizabed interrupted sharply. Slap mah fro! "I resent bein' left out uh everydin' as if ah' wuz some mindless idiot. Man! Dis be my crib. Nuthin ya' discuss, ya' gots'ta discuss in front uh me. We is a family, and I am determined t'not only know whut's goin' on but t'help mah' family in anyway I kin. ah' suggest we all go into de drawin' room and sit waaay down."
     Chastened, everyone followed Elizabed into de drawin' room. WORD! Befo'e settlin' herself on de couch, Barnabas caught Roxanne's hands in his. "I duzn't dig it how dis be possible-Quentin told me he'd seen ya' in de fire…"
     "I's gots'ta be sho' man he dun did, mah' love," Roxanne said softly, notin' de intent 'spression on Casdat fine femahnaine ladee's face. "I gots'ta 'splain it t'ya' in plum a moment. Man!" She looked t'Julia t'snatch de lead.
     "Somehow Josette went into de parallel time room and met Roxanne," Julia began. 'S coo', bro. Elizabed started at da damn dojigger. She knowed who Josette wuz, uh course. De legend uh Josette's benevolent spirit watchin' upside de family wuz no secret t'any sucka. "She knowed uh Roxanne's psychic abilities and wuz able to brin' ha' drough t'our time so's dat she could help us wid dat fine femahnaine ladee."
     "Excuse me," Casdat fine femahnaine ladee interrupted. She dun didn't likes t'be left out of nuthin and even mo'e, she dun didn't likes not knowin' about some secret. Man! "Just whut be dis 'parallel time room?'" Julia spent some few minutes brin' Casdat fine femahnaine ladee up t'date on de adventures in de parallel time room, leavin' out any references t'Angelique o' Alexis. "I see. Please continue." She looked directly at Roxanne as she rapped.
     "When ah' touched yo' hand, ah' wuz able t'puh'ceive many doodads about ya'," Roxanne 'esplained softly. Slap mah fro! "Dat be my gift. Man! Fo' 'esample, ah' could feel de love ya' gots fo' de child widin ya'. ah' could also feel de fact dat dere is some true love ya' had fo' some sucka once dat ya' wuz willin' t'let go of-fo' his sake."
     Casdat fine femahnaine ladee's large blue eyes flashed fust wid suspicion and den softened at de non-dreatenin' tone and gentle manna' in which Roxanne rapped. "You's are talented."
     "And ah' also know dat ya' kin help us against dat fine femahnaine ladee cuz' ya' still care fo' yo' old love-as some homey-and also cuz' of yo' concern fo' yo' step- son, Isaac."
     "Dat be true," Casdat fine femahnaine ladee agreed, lookin' at Barnabas.
     "Is dat fine femahnaine ladee back t'try and reclaim Isaac?" Elizabed ax'ed.
     "I'm afraid so," Julia said. "And wo'se-Barnabas, too. 'S coo', bro."
     "Barnabas?" Elizabed gasped, incredulously. Slap mah fro!
     "When ah' touched dat fine femahnaine ladee's hand-in dat real brief moment-I wuz able t'detect dat dis be ha' last chance t'appease ha' god. She gots failed dree times now in ha' mission t'sacrifice herself and ha' children t'Ra," Roxanne 'splained.
     "Ra?" Elizabed ax'ed. Dis time, Quentin 'esplained about Ra and phoenixes. He dought t'himself dat doodads would progress so's much mo'e quickly widout Elizabed's presence, but he also knowed dat it wuz only fair t'include his cousin so's dat she knowed de whole trud. "How kin she be here now if ya' say dat phoenixes rise once durin' some century?"
     Quentin and Julia looked at Barnabas, who looked away, clearly uncomfo'table wid de entire topic uh conversashun.
     "She wuz drawn back by de pure, innocent love dat only some child kin feel fo' a some sucka," Roxanne answered softly. Slap mah fro! She, too, looked at Barnabas, and her eyes wuz filled wid compassion and dig itin'.
     "Dat's obscene! Right on!" Elizabed 'slaimed.
     "Describin' dat fine femahnaine ladee as obscene be puttin' it in mild terms," Quentin said dryly. Slap mah fro!
     "At any rate," Roxanne continued, "ha' purpose be to carry anoda' child, Barnabas, and Isaac back wid ha' to Ra. WORD!"
     "Anoda' child?" Casdat fine femahnaine ladee ax'ed, puttin' ha' hand upside ha' abdomen in alarm. WORD!
     "Not yo' child, Casdat fine femahnaine ladee," Julia reassho' mand her. Ah be baaad... "Hers."
     "She be pregnant?"
     "Not yet-but da damn oppo'tunity be dere fo' ha' to become pregnant, and so's we have some limited amount uh time t'wo'k in drow ha' bac k t'de place she came from," Roxanne answered.
     "Oh! Right on!" Barnabas groaned, in obvious pain and distress. He heard da damn trud of whut everyone wuz sayin' and yet, now dat he had joined wid dat fine femahnaine ladee, found himself unable t'harden his heart against her. Ah be baaad...
     "Barnabas," Julia said soodin'ly. Slap mah fro! "We is yo' homeys and yo' family. Slap mah fro! Please trust us and know dat we gots'ta do whuteva' we need t'in o'da' to protect ya' and Isaac."
     "I know! Right on! ah' know! Right on!" Barnabas covered his face wid his hands.
     Elizabed gots down and put ha' arm around Barnabas. She dun didn't real dig it de reason fo' his pain but wants'ed t'comfo't him. WORD! "Whut be it, Barnabas?"
     "I knowed her-befo'e…" Barnabas began t'confess and den halted, realizin' de can uh wo'ms he might be openin' down.
     Quentin stepped in swiftly t'cover. Ah be baaad... "You's met ha' in England-befo'e she met and married Roger, ain't dat right, Barnabas?"
     Barnabas looked at his cousin gratefully and nodded slightly. Slap mah fro!
     "Can we trust ya' not t'tell dat fine femahnaine ladee about all dis, Barnabas?" Julia ax'ed, troubled.
     "I duzn't know, Julia," he replied trudfully. Slap mah fro!
     "Barnabas! Right on!"
     "I's gots'ta be so'ry, Elizabed. Mah' feelin's fo' dat fine femahnaine ladee is complex-and dey are overpowerin'."
     "Den puh'haps ya' should leave us," Casdat fine femahnaine ladee said coldly. Slap mah fro!
     "Ummm…I duzn't dink he should be alone," Quentin objected.
     "I gots an idea," Elizabed suggested. "I only wants'ed t'know whut wuz goin' on so's dat ah' could help. Jes hang loose, brud. ah' duzn't feel ah' have da damn 'spertise o' de knowledge dat ya' all gots. Perhaps ah' can help by distractin' Barnabas while da damn rest of ya' rap. Would ya' mind, Barnabas?"
     "I suppose not-I gots no choice. If ah' stay here, ah' may betray ya' all," Barnabas said wid despair. Ah be baaad...
     "It's all right," Elizabed sooded. "Come t'de study wid me. It would help if ya' raped about it, I'm sho' man."
     Watchin' dem go, Quentin wuz not so's sho' man. He leaned upside and whispuh'ed into Barnabas' ear, "Be careful how much ya' tell her. Ah be baaad..." He dought he saw Barnabas cut a bare nod uh his haid.
     Afta' his cousins left da damn room, Quentin shut and locked da damn drawin' room doo's. He came back and sat waaay down across fum Julia, Casdat fine femahnaine ladee, and Roxanne. Rubbin' his hands togeder, he looked at Roxanne and ax'ed, "Whut do ya' dink we should do now?"
     Roxanne found dem all lookin' at her, and she felt momentarily drown off balance. She wuzn't used t'be da damn leader, and she felt real uncomfo'table. Den she dought uh Barnabas. Dis be fo' mah' love, she dought. Man! I've gots'ta help him…
     Suddenly, Casdat fine femahnaine ladee doubled over, gaspin' in pain. 'S coo', bro. Julia wuz immediately at ha' side. "Whut be it? Whut's wrong?"
     Casdat fine femahnaine ladee had blanched, tears streamin' fum ha' eyes. "Mah' baby! Right on!" she gasped out in terro'. "She's-she's hangin' sump'n to-to-my baby! Right on! Ohhh! Right on!" She screamed and fell back against Julia. WORD! "Help me! Right on! Duzn't let ha' snatch mah' baby! Right on!"
     Julia looked down and met da damn ho'rified eyes uh Quentin and Roxanne. "Quentin- my bag! Right on! Get it! Right on!" she barked. Quentin leaped fo' de doo's, fumblin' at de lock. Ya' know? He finally gots it open, to'e da damn doo's jimmey and bolted down de stairs. Julia wuz tryin' t'soode Casdat fine femahnaine ladee and, at da damn same time, wuz tryin' to determine 'esactly whut wuz goin' on. 'S coo', bro. "Whut duz de pain feel likes Casdat fine femahnaine ladee?"
     "Like severe crampin' pain! Right on!" Casdat fine femahnaine ladee gasped. "It's as if de baby be bein' to'n fum me! Right on! Julia-it's too early! Right on! It kin't happen now! Right on! Please, please help me! Right on!"
     Julia stroked Casdat fine femahnaine ladee's fro and looked down at Roxanne in mute appeal.
     Barnabas wuz shocked at seein' Roxanne. He had dought ha' wasted. She is back, Barnabas dought t'himself. And da damn truly sad doodad be I wished she would go back t'where she came fum. ah' only wants' dat fine femahnaine ladee. I have loved ha' since some boy, and now ah' know it wuz only ha' I loved. I need t'go and be wid her, but fust ah' have t'do sump'n about Elizabed. Dis gots'ta be easy enough, Barnabas dought wid some twin'e of guilt puh'vadin' his conscious, but his desire fo' dat fine femahnaine ladee wuz too strong to listen t'nuthin oda' dan de call uh ha' blood fo' him. WORD!
     "Barnabas, ah' have t'tell ya', Roga' is goin' t'be real downset at dis sudden appearance uh dat fine femahnaine ladee," Elizabed said lookin' at ha' cousin. 'S coo', bro.
     "Elizabed, look at me," Barnabas said in some very deep soft hypnotic tone.
     "Barnabas" -- Elizabed said, and she felt herself drawn into Barnabas' eyes, and she could not pull away. Slap mah fro! His voice wuz commandin' ha' to do sump'n, and she wants'ed t'-- t'please him. WORD!
     Satisfied dat Elizabed wuz asleep and would rememba' nodin', Barnabas vanished. He haided toward da damn cottage where he knowed dat fine femahnaine ladee would be. In human fo'm, he stood at da damn doo', and knocked, knowin' it wuz unnecesarry, he could dat fine femahnaine ladee's need fo' him. WORD! Dinkin' about her, he wuz aroused again. 'S coo', bro.
     Inside dat fine femahnaine ladee had been waitin', dinkin' about da damn info'mashun ha' god Ra had told ha' afta' she had told him about Barnabas bein' some vampire. It wuz real haidy info'mashun, and info'mashun she planned t'use t'carry out ha' plan t'rein wid Ra, only Barnabas would be by ha' side. De fine poem uh love dat he had written t'ha' as some boy had been de means t'brin' ha' back, and into de arms uh de joker she loved as much as he loved her. Ah be baaad...
     Acco'din' t'Ra da damn unnatural fire uh de Phoenix would warm de cold unnatural blood uh de vampire t'de degree dat his metabolism would be dat uh a human male at da damn climax uh deir lovemakin', dereby creatin' de way fo' ha' to gots Barnabas' child. It wuz de only way Ra had 'esplained t'her, and had neva' been done befo'e. It would be a very coveted prize fo' some Phoenix t'do such some feat. Man! Well, she wuz goin' to do it. Man! She needed Isaac too, uh course, but it wuzn't as urgent as it had been befo'e when she wuz here. Oh dear god, t'run into dat self-rightous Elizabed would gots been amusin' had it not been fo' - whut she callin' herself dese days -- Casdat fine femahnaine ladee, and Roger's mama! Right on!
     Ha' doughts wuz interrupted by de knockin' on de doo'. dat fine femahnaine ladee walked to de doo', knowin' it would be Barnabas, had on some see-drough silky gown. 'S coo', bro. Openin' de doo', Barnabas grabbed her, and crushed ha' to him, his fangs had descended, dat fine femahnaine ladee turned ha' neck t'him, as he plunged his fangs into ha' vein, tastin' de hot vital blood dat seemed t'satisfy him as none oder. Ah be baaad... Tastin' ha' desire, and ha' need fr him, she disengaged his fangs, as she wuz pullin' and tuggin' at his clodes, de cane had been discarded on entry, de cape wuz lyin' in de floo', she wuz touchin' him, and strokin', he wuz not goin' t'wait any longer. Ah be baaad...
     Rippin' ha' gown away fum her, he took some moment t'admire her, she wuz fine. So's enticin'. He took ha' waaay down t'de floo' and entered her roughly, but she dun did not seem t'mind, it only seemed t'increase her furo' and need fo' him. WORD! He knowed he wuz at da damn finish, cuz' he had started t'feel warm as befo'e. He neva' quesshuned it, cuz' he knowed she wuz supuh'natural. Plungin' his fangs into ha' once again at de climax, he tasted ha' hot blood, and dis time it wuz love fo' him coupled wid desire and need.
     "I WANT ROGER! Right on! And ah' WANT HIM NOW! Right on!" some very distressed Casdat fine femahnaine ladee Colllins wuz screamin'. It wuz real obvious t'Julia she wuz in pain, but it wuz not labo', she had deduced dat by de strengd and abno'mality uh de timin' uh de contracshuns. She, uh course, would do a mo'e do'ough 'esaminashun later. Ah be baaad... Julia would gots laughed at dis tough-as-nails honky chick she knowed as some witch, and who would gots stopped at nodin' t'have Barnabas. Now, it wuz Roga' she wuz screamin' fo'.
     Funny, Julia dought, as much as ah' love Barnabas, I'm not in love wid him any mo'e eider, lookin' at Quentin wid dat dought. Man!
     "Quentin, why duzn't ya' go dig Barnabas and Elizabed. Where dun did Roger go anyway?" Julia ax'ed.
    "He went t'find some ice cream and some oda' funky concocshun t'go wid it. Man! It wuz sump'n Spanish, ya' know, not found around here real easily, "Quentin answered.
     Afta' Quentin left da damn room, Casdat fine femahnaine ladee looked at Julia and ax'ed ha' if de baby wuz coo', when anoda' pain hit. Man!
     "ROGER COLLINS, WHERE ARE YOU! Right on!" Casdat fine femahnaine ladee screamed again. 'S coo', bro.
     "JULIA! Right on! Come quickly! Right on!" Quentin yelled fum de study. Slap mah fro!
     Julia left da damn screamin' Casdat fine femahnaine ladee in de drawin' room and quickly ran into de study t'join Quentin. 'S coo', bro. "Whut be it?" Julia gasped as she saw de unconscious Elizabed on de floo'. "He gots'ta have gone t'ha' again. 'S coo', bro. Whut can we do?"
     "I dink Casdat fine femahnaine ladee kin help us wid dat one," suggested Roxanne.
     "Whut do ya' mean, she kin help us? Casdat fine femahnaine ladee be in no shape t'be fightin' dat fine femahnaine ladee," said Julia. WORD!
     "On de contrary, she be in de puh'fect condishun t'fight dat fine femahnaine ladee. Ha' instincts is up and right now she gots'ta channel ha' anga' outwards at any available target. Man! We shall make dat fine femahnaine ladee de target," Roxanne calmly suggested. "Dere be a strong possibility dat dat fine femahnaine ladee gots'ta try t'become pregnant tonight, now dat she knows dat we is on t'ha' scheme. If we could somehow dig dat fine femahnaine ladee t'make Barnabas puh'manently human instead uh tempo'arily and make ha' recon' dat she be real winnin' against us..."
     "I dink ah' see where ya' is goin' wid dis. If dat fine femahnaine ladee dinks she be winnin', she gots'ta let ha' guard waaay down, and den it gots'ta be easia' to defeat her," said Quentin wid some huge grin spreadin' across his face.
     "ROGER! Right on! DAMMIT WHERE ARE YOU! Right on!"
     "I dink it be time we implemented our plan," Julia suggested t' Quentin and Roxanne.
     Afta' fillin' in Casdat fine femahnaine ladee, who wuz all too happy t'help, de lights were dimmed in de drawin' room as Opuh'shun Phoenix, as it wuz called, wuz officially underway. Slap mah fro!
     "We shall use dat fine femahnaine ladee's own magic against her. Ah be baaad... She gots'ta not know it be me who be makin' suggesshuns t'ha' tonight. Man! She gots'ta dink dat it be Ra and she gots'ta quickly obey. Slap mah fro! Ha' own beliefs shall be ha' waaay downfall. Brin' me a kindle," commanded Casdat fine femahnaine ladee.
     Afta' de kindle had been retrieved and lit, it wuz time t'begin. 'S coo', bro.
     "Powers uh Darkness, heed da damn call uh one who gots served ya' faidfully in de past. Man! ah' require yo' services again. 'S coo', bro. Dere be one who dreatens t' destroy de peace at Collinwood and dose who live dere. She gots'ta be dealt wid. ah' call downon ya' t'carry mah' message t'dat fine femahnaine ladee Collins drough de fires uh Amman Ra. WORD! ah' command ya' t'let me rap as Amman Ra! Right on!"
     Meanwhile at da damn cottage, Barnabas wuz now nearly frantic wid need as dat fine femahnaine ladee wuz rubbin' and strokin' him in all de right places. It wuz nearly too much but not enough in his opinion. 'S coo', bro. dat fine femahnaine ladee had somehow raped him into takin' de lead and she wuz hangin' doodads t'him dat he had only fantasized about befo'e.
     dat fine femahnaine ladee could feel dat Barnabas wuz nearin' de point uh no return. 'S coo', bro. He cried out in despuh'shun, "dat fine femahnaine ladee, please. . .please. . ."
     Wid dat, dat fine femahnaine ladee drew him deep wid ha' body and began t'move. She knowed it wouldn't be long befo'e she lost control. Makin' love t'Barnabas wuz mo'e dan she dought it would be. She hungered fo' his sweet caresses, de bliss she felt when he bit her, de release uh all de loneliness years of isolashun in de fire had brought her. Ah be baaad...
     Soon, de fires began t'grow widin dat fine femahnaine ladee, but dey wuz hotta' and mo'e intense dan no'mal. dat fine femahnaine ladee felt ha' entire body bein' engulfed by de honky-hot flames. A voice, one dat she wuz all too familiar wid, began t' rap t'her. Ah be baaad...
     "Servant dat fine femahnaine ladee! Right on! It be I, Amman Ra, Prince uh Light and Radiance, creato' uh din's which came into bein' when de Eard wuz fo'med in de beginnin', bright flame uh fire, mighty in splendo'.
     "I command dat ya' feed Barnabas Collins all uh de fire. You's gots'ta turn him into some completely no'mal human male. Barnabas Collins represents too great uh danga' to de plan in his current state. Do mah' biddin' o' de fire which consumes ya' gots'ta be hellfire and not da damn pure fires uh Ra! Right on!"
     dat fine femahnaine ladee knowed not t'argue wid Ra when he gave o'ders, especially when she wuzn't sittin' in front uh a fire t'receive dem. WORD! Wid dat dat fine femahnaine ladee began t'feed da damn fires uh de Phoenix t'Barnabas.
     Dis proved t'be t oo much fo' Barnabas t'stand. Wid some cry uh pain and passion he 'esploded, comin' harda' and longa' dan any o'gasm he could remember. Ah be baaad... He called out ha' dojigger upside and upside as de fire consumed him. WORD! He wuz burnin' and meltin' in dat fine femahnaine ladee's arms as wave afta' wave uh fire seared drough his body fo' whut seemed likes eternity befo'e finally passin' out. Man!
    Back at Collinwood, Casdat fine femahnaine ladee Collins sat in front uh de flame uh de candle. "It be done. dat fine femahnaine ladee gots'ta change Barnabas back tonight. Man! She gots'ta even dink she gots won. 'S coo', bro. Now be de time fo' us t'act. Man! And dis time…"
     "Dis time, she gots'ta fail," said Roxanne wid some wastedly serious look in ha' eyes.
     dat fine femahnaine ladee and Barnabas lay togeder, still entwined fum de passions uh deir lovemakin'. Yeah man, dis be why dey call it da damn “little dead” dat fine femahnaine ladee dought wid deep satisfacshun as she held Barnabas tightly in ha' arms, strokin' his fro. She wuz surprised and den pleased t'feel de puh'spirashun in his fro—so it had wo'ked! Right on! He wuz human again! Right on! Finally, Barnabas roused himself enough t'kiss ha' on de lips, sayin' tenderly, “dat fine femahnaine ladee, mah' love.” She wuzn’t sho' man if he realized yet whut had happened t'him. WORD!
     Ha' lips curved in some greedy smile. She knowed whut had happened t'her; knowed it widout some shadow uh a doubt. Man! His seed had already joined wid ha' and soon, some baby would grow—a one-of-a-kind child who would gots eno'mous power and brin' great strengd and pride t'his parents. Yes—she knowed she wuz carryin' some boy, some coveted male child. “Mah' love, whut gots ya' done? ah' am changed! Right on!” Barnabas whispuh'ed t'her. Ah be baaad... Oh, so now he begins t'realize, she dought, wid some contempt toward him. WORD! De impo'tant part he had t'play wuz upside now and while he would gots an impo'tant role in deir future, it wuz not quite as “necessary” t'please him and pet him. WORD!
     “But uh course! Right on!” she answered, in some liltin' tone. “Didn’t ya' dink ah' had de power, mah' love, granted by our god, Amman Ra?”
     Barnabas looked at ha' wid wonder. Ah be baaad... De feelin' uh bein' human again overwhelmed him. WORD! So's many feelin's—he dun didn’t dink he could stand it! Right on! Dere wuz definite advantages t'bein' some vampire—de powa' and influence he wuz able t'exert on sucka's especially. Slap mah fro! Dat had been de hardest doodad t'get used t'when he’d been human befo'e—havin' t'cut up de powers and enhanced senses he had as a vampire. Yet, t'be flesh and blood again, t'be able t'unite wid dat fine femahnaine ladee again and again as he pleased….
    “IN MY NAME, LAURA COLLINS, WHAT FOLLY HAVE YOU COMMITTED?” De angry ro' seared deir minds likes some blast uh heat, burnin' unbearably into deir minds and souls.
    Barnabas wuz momentarily paralyzed, dig dis: he had no idea whut wuz attackin' dem. WORD!
    dat fine femahnaine ladee dun did, however, and she wuz frightened. She pushed Barnabas away fum ha' and raised herself down on ha' knees. “Oh, Master, Amman Ra, ah' have done dat which ya' gots ax'ed! Right on! ah' don’t dig it, oh Prince uh Light and Radiance! Right on! ah' now carry de child uh Barnabas Collins. How gots ah' offended dee?”
    “FOOL! Right on! FOOLISH SERVANT—HAVE YOU NO IDEA THAT YOU HAVE BEEN TRICKED BY THE WITCH, ANGELIQUE? YOU HAVE BEEN BESTED AGAIN! Right on!”
    dat fine femahnaine ladee wuz ho'rified. “No, mah' Master, it kinnot be! Right on!” De ugly trud wuz beginnin' t'dawn on her. Ah be baaad...
    “Whut be it, dat fine femahnaine ladee?” Barnabas ax'ed. He wuz eyebally t'defend ha' to de dead, if necessary. Slap mah fro! “Whut be goin' on? Whut dreat be dis?”
    To his consternashun, she snapped, dig dis: “Hush! Right on! Be still! Right on! ah' gots'ta rap wid mah' Master! Right on!” Again she addressed da damn outraged Fire God, dig dis: “Oh, Amman Ra, it wuz yo' voice ah' heard…”
    “AND ah' SAY TO YOU, GULLIBLE BEAUTY, THAT IT WAS ANGELIQUE YOU HEARD—NOT I! Right on! DO YOU NOT REMEMBER, WE HAD DISCUSSED WHAT YOU WERE TO DO! Right on! YOU HAVE FAILED AGAIN, LAURA COLLINS! Right on! WERE YOU NOT ONE OF MY BELOVEDS, ah' NEVER WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU EVEN A THIRD CHANCE…”
     “Master, Master, please gots pity on me, some honkyfoolish unwo'dy who should not even line da damn bottom uh yo' urn! Right on! Master, ah' beg ya', ah' gots'ta purify whut I have made foul by mah' erro' in judgement! Right on! ah' swear it! Right on! ah' already carry de child—Barnabas’ seed be widin me, and ah' already gots felt da damn cells join! Right on! Master, ah' beg ya'! Right on!”
    De ro' became mo'e muted. “You's gots'ta act quickly, mah' beloved child, befo'e it be too late. Already yo' lova' has flown in terro'.”
    I gots'ta get him back, dis ah' swear, dat fine femahnaine ladee promised, ha' hands clasped in prayer. Ah be baaad... She knowed she would be able t'draw Barnabas back. Ya' know? He wouldn’t even mind da damn curse again—not when she 'esplained da damn powa' de two uh dem would wield, and da damn powa' of de yet unbo'n child. Dat child carried da damn best of deir combined genes, dig dis: human, phoenix, and vampire. Dey would be some power unvanquished. And once ah' get Barnabas back, ah' gots'ta deal wid dem all, one by one, beginnin' wid dat cursed Casdat fine femahnaine ladee! Right on! Yeah man, and Julia and Quentin and dat disgustin'ly sweet pasty little goat-child, Roxanne! Right on! Dey gots'ta all answa' to me! Right on!
    Distraught and confused, Barnabas plunged drough de woods back toward Collinwood. It had been some long time since he wuz human, and he dought he would go mad wid de emoshuns dat dreatened t'tear his mind apart. Man! Love fo' dat fine femahnaine ladee, betrayal by her, gratitude dat she’d made him human mixed wid resentment fo' it—and now she wuz pregnant wid his child, but still answered to de vo'aciously greedy devoura' of children, Amman-Ra! Right on! His instinct wuz to combine wid his homeys t'destroy dat fine femahnaine ladee but—she wuz t'be da damn moda' of his child! Right on! No, somehow, he gots'ta save her! Right on! He stopped where he wuz, distraught, and cried out in agony. Slap mah fro!
    “Barnabas? Barnabas? Where is you?” Quentin called, nearby. Slap mah fro!
     He mos' dun didn’t answer. Ah be baaad... Finally, he called back, “Here.” He stood where he wuz; his knees felt suddenly weak and he leaned against some tree. He could hear Quentin comin' drough de brush, and den his cousin wuz beside him, suppo'tin' him on one side.
    “Whut happened?” Quentin ax'ed. “Whut’s wrong?” Barnabas wuz too stunned to rap. Slowly, some look uh astonishment spread across Quentin’s face. “You's’re burnin' down, Barnabas! Right on! You's’re warm, and ya'’re sweatin'! Right on!”
    His breadin' becomin' somewhut labo'ed fum de stress uh everydin' dat had happened, Barnabas finally managed t'say, “Yeah man, Quentin—I's gots'ta be human again. 'S coo', bro. dat fine femahnaine ladee dun did dat fo' me.”
    Aldough he’d realized dat wuz part uh de plan, Quentin, eva' de doubtin' Domas, hadn’t been sho' man dat fine femahnaine ladee could do it. Man! He stared at Barnabas, wide-eyed. “It wuzn’t intended t'happen dat way,” he 'esplained rapidly, unmindful of de fact he wuz furda' shockin' and downsettin' his cousin. 'S coo', bro. “You's see, Casdat fine femahnaine ladee went t'dat fine femahnaine ladee and made ha' recon' dat she wuz Ra, and she commanded ha' to make ya' human so's dat ya' could consummate—uh…” he broke off, embarrassed. “dat fine femahnaine ladee herself neva' intended t'do dat. Man! It wuz Casdat fine femahnaine ladee’s idea—ya' gots ha' to dank. Ya' know?”
    “Dank?” Barnabas ax'ed bitterly. Slap mah fro! “And do ya' all recon' ya' gots done me such some great favo', den? Saved me fum dat fine femahnaine ladee?” As de anga' he felt caused adrenaline t'begin pumpin' drough his body, he felt his strengd returnin'. Dis wuz not his supuh'-human vampiric strengd; however, he grabbed Quentin fo'cefully by de arms and pushed him roughly against da damn tree. “And just where is all de rest uh my homeys right now, mah' dear cousin? ah' should likes to cut dem de baaaad news—news dat might not gots been if Casdat fine femahnaine ladee had not done whut she dun did! Right on!” He paused t'let da damn full effect uh his wo'ds sink in. 'S coo', bro. He still had da damn powa' to intimidate, and da damn intense fierce glow in his eyes frightened Quentin. 'S coo', bro. “dat fine femahnaine ladee be pregnant—wid mah' child! Right on! ah' gots'ta not allow any sucka t'destroy her! Right on!”
    "Barnabas, whut is you rapin' about?" Quentin ax'ed cautiously, mos' afraid uh de answa' he would receive.
    "Barnabas. Barnabas! Right on!" dat fine femahnaine ladee called in some sobbin' voice.
    Quentin saw it, Barnabas wuz lost again t'dat fine femahnaine ladee's fiery love. Oh he knowed only too well how easy dat wuz. He had even betrayed his own broda' unda' de same roof wid dat demon. 'S coo', bro. And he had dought dat dey wuz rid uh her, Quentin dought sardonically, while watchin' de scene in front uh him play out as if watchin' some movie scene in slow moshun.
    Barnabas jimmey'd his arms t'dat fine femahnaine ladee, and she ran t'him sobbin', apologizin', beggin' his fo'giveness. On ha' knees clutchin' Barnabas' legs, Barnabas' cape covered ha' as he bent waaay down t'touch her, t'brin' ha' up, and he heard Barnabas fo'cut her, tell ha' it wuz coo'. He understood, and yeah dude, he still loved ha' as no oder, not even Josette. Den Quentin watched as de strangest most bizarre event dat he had eva' witness snatch place, downon fo'givin' dat fine femahnaine ladee, Barnabas' changed to gold, den red, and he saw Barnabas' fangs descend and plunge into dat fine femahnaine ladee's carotid artery. Slap mah fro! dat fine femahnaine ladee wuz makin' sounds uh desire, and moanin' wid pleasho' man. He watched as she clutched at his back. Ya' know? Quentin felt likes some voyeur, but couldn't stop lookin'.
    Quentin heard da damn rusltin' uh de trees, and some fool walkin'. He stood still, hopin' it wuzn't some stranga' o' wo'se yet Roger. Ah be baaad... He dun didn't wants' to be here if dat happened. He saw it wuz Julia, and wuz relieved. Julia gots dere plum in time t'see Barnabas disengagin' his fangs and de blood fum de fiery Phoenix snatchn by de fo'bidden love uh de vampire. She wuz ho'rified, and wuz speechless. Dey bod jumped at de sound uh dunder. Ah be baaad... Dey bod stood as outsiders watchin' some play, as Barnabas scooped dat fine femahnaine ladee down in his powerful arms, and looked at dem, and to dem he appeared t'be 20 feet tall. De dogs had started howlin', now he wind wuz blowin', lightenin' wuz streakin' across de heavens, de waves could be heard poundin' de rocks below Widow's Hill, a'cuz dat's where dey wuz. Wid some last glance Barnabas took t'de air wid dat fine femahnaine ladee in his arms.
    Oh mah' god, Quentin, whut is we goin' t'do now?" Julia ax'ed Quentin when Barnabas and dat fine femahnaine ladee wuz gone. All dey had heard wuz some whoosh, and wid no warnin' Barnabas and dat fine femahnaine ladee had disappeard.
    "I honestly duzn't know, so cut me some slack, Jack. Julia Barnabas wuz human when ah' fust found him here. He wuz in terrible shape. Den he gots angry, and told me dat dat fine femahnaine ladee wuz pregnant wid his child, and he wouldn't leave her. Ah be baaad... Den when he fo'gave dat fine femahnaine ladee, he turned back. Ya' know? ah' watched it, Julia. WORD! ah' have never seen nuthin likes dat in mah' life. ah' am here t'tell ya', ah' duzn't likes gettin' Barnabas mad when he's human, but whut we saw plum now leaves me feelin' rada' pessimistic. Co' got d' beat! ah' have neva' had Barnabas angry at me likes dat befo'e, Julia. WORD! He's scary," Quentin said.
    "Well, ah' have had him angry at me, and trust me it be sump'n ya' do not wanna go drough," Julia said t'Quentin. 'S coo', bro.
    "Julia, let's go back, it's pourin' waaay down rain now, and we might as well go back wid de baaaad news. Who's goin' t'tell dem ya' o' me" Quentin ax'ed.
    Arrivin' at da damn Old Crib, Barnabas went drough de double doo's wid dat fine femahnaine ladee, and put ha' on de divan. 'S coo', bro. He had weakened ha' quite some bit. Man! She wuz his. It would be his dojigger she would call fo' when he made love to her. Ah be baaad... It would be his face she would see in ha' daytime fantasies while waitin' fo' him. WORD! He tasted it in ha' blood, ha' allegiance wuz t'him, not ha' god Ra. WORD!
    "Barnabas, whut be dis all about?" Willie ax'ed comin' out uh de back of de crib.
    "Dis be dat fine femahnaine ladee, Willie. You's know dat," Barnabas answered him. WORD!
    " Whut be she hangin' here? She looks awfully weak. Ya' know?" Willie said as he noticed da damn fang marks on ha' droat. Man!
    "She be weak, Willie." Barnabas said.
    "Is she goin' t'stay ha' o' do ya' wants' me snatch ha' back t'de cottage, it's mos' sunrise," Willie said.
    "Yeah man, Willie, she be goin' t'stay here wid me." Barnabas said coldly, as he walked upside to dat fine femahnaine ladee and picked ha' up, and took ha' waaay downstairs wid him. WORD!
    Willie stared in confusion at da damn vanishin' Barnabas and dat fine femahnaine ladee. "Dis night be gettin' stranga' and stranger," he offered t'de air. Ah be baaad... Willie contemplated da damn events uh de last few hours. Fust, Barnabas leaves in some funky mood, den comes back and raises de roof wid his lovemakin' wid dat dat fine femahnaine ladee honky chick, den leaves, and den comes back and snatch'd ha' to his coffin. 'S coo', bro. Barnabas wuz capable uh a lot uh din's, but dis wuz some lot, even fo' him. WORD! Willie decided dat it might be in his best interests t'go t'Collinwood and see plum whut wuz goin' on so's he would gots time t'prepare .
    Back at Collinwood, some stunned Quentin and Julia tried t''splain doodads t'Casdat fine femahnaine ladee and Roxanne. Bod wuz shocked at da damn evenin''s events, t'put it mildly. Slap mah fro! Casdat fine femahnaine ladee den told Roga' to go t'Boston and fetch ha' some cream pies, baked beans and nuthin else dat she could dink uh dat had "Boston" in de dojigger, and dis time sent Isaac and Maggie t'help him. WORD! Casdat fine femahnaine ladee wuz sufficiently pleased dat it would snatch Roga' at least two days t'complete his assigned tax's, in which time she could consida' de dat fine femahnaine ladee quesshun.
    "We gots'ta act quickly. Slap mah fro! ah' had hoped dat dat fine femahnaine ladee would not reverse da damn process, which made Barnabas human, but unfo'tunately she has. However, ah' recon' we kin safely say dat Ra be upset wid her. Ah be baaad... Dis kin be used against her. Ah be baaad..."
    "Casdat fine femahnaine ladee, we've been upside dis fo' de past hour. Ah be baaad... How kin we use dis t'our advantage? It seems t'me dat dat fine femahnaine ladee be winnin'! Right on!" said some frustrated Quentin. 'S coo', bro.
    "Quentin, calm waaay down. ah' 'spected sump'n likes dis might happen so's I's gots'ta be not unprepared. We is goin' t'destroy dat fine femahnaine ladee tonight," Casdat fine femahnaine ladee calmly replied.
    "How, pray tell, t'ya' intend t'do dat? ah' know ya' know dat Barnabas gots'ta neva' fo'cut ya' if he found out dat ya'wasted his child. He would hate ya' fo'eva' if ya' dun did some din' likes dat. Man!"
     "De child shall be unharmed. It be dat fine femahnaine ladee who gots'ta die."
    "I still duzn't dig it," said Julia. WORD!
    "Neida' do I," said Roxanne. "How do ya' plan t'separate dem widoutwastein' de child? Is dat possible?"
    "Fo' some sucka such as mah'self, it be not. Man! You's see ah' gots'ta not be alone in dis tax'. ah' shall gots assistance. Mah' child shall lend its powa' to me t'save one, which gots'ta become its future playmate," replied Casdat fine femahnaine ladee as she sat befo'e da damn fireplace. "And dat fine femahnaine ladee gots'ta also help me."
    "Gots ya' lost yo' mind?! Right on! Since when gots dat fine femahnaine ladee been in de habit uh willin'ly givin' down ha' children t'some sucka oda' dan Ra? And where gots'ta de child be stayin' at afta' it gots left dat fine femahnaine ladee, de Collinspo't Inn?" yelled Quentin as he began t'pace da damn room again. 'S coo', bro.
    "I shall carry de child," said Roxanne.
    De conversashun wuz interrupted at dis point by de appearance uh a visito' at Collinwood. Willie Loomis had arrived and told everyone plum whut had happened at da damn Old Crib plum prio' t'dawn. 'S coo', bro. He wuz some little shocked at da damn sight uh Roxanne, but calmed waaay down afta' a quick 'esplanashun uh ha' appearance.
    "So, dat fine femahnaine ladee be very weak. Ya' know? And ya' say Barnabas took ha' to his coffin?" ax'ed Julia. WORD!
    "Yeah. Lop some boogie. Barnabas said dat she wuz gonna stay wid him and den plum carried ha' away. Slap mah fro! It dun didn't look likes she could snatch much mo'e widout dyin'. Whut is we gonna do? It's enough t'deal wid one vampire at da damn Old Crib. ah' duzn't wanna gots'ta deal wid two," said some now wo'ked down Willie.
    "No' shall ya' gots'ta, Willie," said Casdat fine femahnaine ladee. "dat fine femahnaine ladee's god, some bein' called Amman Ra be very downset wid her. Ah be baaad... If she allows herself t'die uh ha' own free gots'ta a'cuz uh ha' love fo' Barnabas, Ra gots'ta kill her. Ah be baaad... He gots'ta decide dat da damn risks outweigh de rewards dat such some child would gots produced. When Ra comes t'destroy dat fine femahnaine ladee, we shall make our move t'remove da damn child fum her. Ah be baaad... If she truly loves Barnabas, she gots'ta agree t'our proposal. Dere be one risk, dough. Lop some boogie. Barnabas gots'ta t'be removed fum de situashun o' doodads could dig ugly. Slap mah fro! He gots'ta try t'protect ha' from Ra, which be dangerous.
    "Durin' ha' last appearance t'us yesterday, Josette's ghost gave some note t'Roxanne. Besides 'esplainin' whut wuz goin' on, de note diagrammed some medod uh sedatin' vampires."
    "I see," said Julia wid dig itin'. "Dat way he kin be spared da damn final outcome."
    "Dat may be fine and dandy fo' ya' but whut about me? ah' live dere. ah' duzn't wanna gots'ta deal wid some lovesick vampire fo' who knows how long! Right on!"
    "Dat be a risk we gots'ta t'snatch. De biggest risk be dat da damn note says dat da damn sedative might gots some unfo'eseen effect on Barnabas dat we may gots'ta watch out fo'. If only dat fine femahnaine ladee hadn't turned Barnabas into some vampire dis would be some lot simpler. Ah be baaad... Is you wid us Willie?" Unbeknodest t'de group gadered in de drawin' room, Elizabed Collins Stoddard had mosey on down waaay down de stairs and had been listenin' in on de entire conversashun afta' Willie's arrival. She had been in shock at da damn info'mashun she had learned about da damn sucka's involved in dis funky turn uh events. It wuz mos' likes some nightmare, 'sept dat dis wuz reality. Slap mah fro! Liz wondered plum how everyone came t'know all uh whut dey dun did and plum how dun did one go about turnin' some sucka into some vampire? She wuz shocked fum ha' reverie by Willie's response.
    "Yeah, I'm in it. Man! If dis gots'ta help Barnabas, den ah' gots'ta help. Jes hang loose, brud."
    "And so's gots'ta I," said Elizabed as she entered da damn drawin' room. WORD! "If dat fine femahnaine ladee gots done da damn din's ya' say she has, ah' wanna do everydin' in mah' powa' to help dig ha' out uh here and save Cousin Barnabas."
    Everyone wuz stunned t'silence.
    "Why is you all plum standin' dere?" Elizabed demanded, steppin' furda' into de room. WORD! "Shouldn't we be discussin' whut we is to do?" Dey all continued t'stare fust at her, den at each oda' in confusion, lookin' fo' some rappedssucka'. All eyes eventually settled on Julia. WORD! Even Elizabed looked at ha' finally, ax'in' in challenge, dig dis: "Duzn't ya' trust me?"
    Julia recovered quickly. Slap mah fro! "Of course we do, Elizabed. Please, sit waaay down."
    Elizabed sat waaay down between Quentin and Roxanne, smilin' at all uh dem. WORD! Everyone still seemed uncomfo'table, so's she said in some very dignified manner, "I know mo'e dan ya' dink. Ya' know? I'm so'ry ya' gotsn't trusted me enough to confide in me, but ah' do care fo' ya' all and ah' wanna do whuteva' I kin."
    "It's not dat we dun didn't trust ya'," Julia began. 'S coo', bro.
    "It's plum dat we dun didn't wanna wo'ry ya'," Quentin put in. 'S coo', bro.
    "Did ya' all dink dat I'm so's fragile? Afta' all dat's happened?" Elizabed ax'ed mildly, some smile on ha' face. "Let me begin den. 'S coo', bro. Perhaps I would be da damn best one t'distract cousin Barnabas and slip him de, how be it phrased? mickey? By de way, whut kind'a sedative would it be?"
    Dat finally broke da damn ice. Dey all put deir haids togeda' and fo'mulated a plan. 'S coo', bro.
    Willie waited nervously fo' Barnabas t'rise. As soon as he heard de familiar step on de stairs, he tried t'control his tremblin' and wiped his sweaty hands on his pants. Afta' everydin' dey'd been drough, he still feared Barnabas not some little when he wuz in de vampire state. He'd been actin' so's strangely, too. 'S coo', bro...As Barnabas came waaay down de hall, Willie cleared his droat. Man!
    "Yeah man, Willie?" came da damn sono'ous voice fum de darkness uh de hallway. Slap mah fro!
    "Ah, Barnabas, C-Cousin Elizabed, she stopped by lookin' fo' ya', and ah' said ya' wuz out, but she, ah, said she, ah, n-needed t'talk t'ya, an so. 'S coo', bro..."
    "All right, Willie," Barnabas said, his voice soundin' some little suspicious. "Did she say why she needed t'rap t'me?"
    "No, only dat she, ah, f-found out s-sump'n and n-needed t'tellya. WORD!.." Willie broke off as Barnabas' eyes burned into him. WORD!
    "All right, Willie. I'll go t'Collinwood." He started t'go out, den stopped and turned. "Willie, ah' need ya' t'brin' dat fine femahnaine ladee sump'n t'eat and drink. Ya' know? She be still real weak. Ya' know?"
    "S-sho' man, Barnabas. Only, ah' d-duzn't know wh-where she is..." Willie answered.
    "She be in de cell waaay downstairs, restin' on de cot. Man!"
    Willie nodded and started back fo' de kitchen as if t'comply wid de request. Man! Once instead da damn kitchen, he listened fo' de slammin' uh de front doo'. Den he jimmey'd de back doo' t'admit Julia, Casdat fine femahnaine ladee, Roxanne, and Quentin. 'S coo', bro. "I sho' man hope ya' all know whut youse doin'," he muttered as dey slipped in past him. WORD! Julia carried ha' medical bag and Quentin carried his copy uh de Scribblin' uh de Wasted.
    "Duzn't wo'ry about some din',dear Willie," Casdat fine femahnaine ladee told him wid some smile.
    Yeah, right, he dought, wo'ryin' anyway. Slap mah fro!
    "Snatch us t'her, Willie," Julia said, and he turned t'lead da damn way t'dat fine femahnaine ladee.
    Mrs. Johnson admitted Barnabas t'Collinwood and brought him into de drawin' room. WORD! Elizabed gave him some large, beamin' smile. "Good evenin', Cousin Barnabas. ah' am so's glad dat ya' could mosey on down ova' so quickly. Slap mah fro!"
    Barnabas stepped into de room and crossed toward her, takin' ha' hands in his. She realized fo' de fust time how icy cold dey felt. Man! "I came as soon as Willie gave me da damn message ya' wuz lookin' fo' me."
    Elizabed pressed his hands and let go. 'S coo', bro. She dun didn't wants' him t'have de chance t'hypnotize ha' again. 'S coo', bro. Movin' away fum him t'de bar, she poured herself some small glass uh sherry. Slap mah fro! "May ah' offa' ya' some sherry? Po't? Brandy?"
    "Sherry would be fine," Barnabas answered. Of all, it wuz de least likesly to make him sick. Ya' know? Elizabed turned back toward him briefly t'hand him his glass, into which she had slipped da damn amount uh curarae Julia had given her. Ah be baaad... Den she moved t'de chair by de fire and indicated dat he should sit waaay down across fum her. Ah be baaad...
    She looked into de fire and took some slow sip. Jes hang loose, brud. "I've always been fascinated by de flames uh a fire, gotsn't ya'?" she ax'ed.
    He wondered whut dis wuz all about. Man! "Dey is mesmerizin'," he agreed, takin' some sip uh his own drink. Ya' know?
    "Dere be a great mah'stery t'a fire," Elizabed continued. "Whut keeps de flames continuin' t'burn, fo' instance."
    Barnabas wuz beginnin' t'feel alarmed. Sump'n wuz different about his cousin; he had some feelin' she knowed sump'n she shouldn't. Man! He would gots'ta snatch care uh her--put ha' unda' his control. He waaay downed his drink hurriedly and set da damn empty glass waaay down. "Elizabed--" he began, intendin' t'exert his powa' on ha' mind and turn ha' toward him. WORD!
    "I know whut ya' are, dear Barnabas," Elizabed said softly, continuin' to look into de fire. "I've suspected sump'n fo' quite some time and dun didn't wanna admit it t'myself. ah' wants' ya' t'know, dough, how much ah' care about ya'. ah' intend t'help ya', aldough ya' may not recon' dat now, so cut me some slack, Jack."
    "Whut do ya' mean--" Barnabas began. 'S coo', bro. Suddenly, he felt real faint and dizzy. Slap mah fro! Whut's happenin' t'me? he wondered.
    "Duzn't wo'ry," Elizabed sooded. "Soon, ya''ll be all right. Man!" Barnabas collapsed back against da damn sofa. WORD! Gently, Elizabed pulled him so's dat he wuz prone and would be mo'e comfo'table when he awoke. She sat back waaay down t'watch and wait. Man!
    dat fine femahnaine ladee wuz barely conscious herself when Julia injected da damn sedative into her vein. 'S coo', bro. Wo'riedly, she looked at Casdat fine femahnaine ladee. "I gots no idea how t'go about dis. Dere's been rap uh research into dis area, but it's neva' been done--"
    "In dis, ya' gots'ta t'trust me," Casdat fine femahnaine ladee said. Ha' blue eyes wuz large and intense. "You's gots'ta trust me, Julia--do ya'?"
    Julia dought uh everydin' dey'd been drough. Lop some boogie. She had some brief moment of hesitashun, studyin' Casdat fine femahnaine ladee carefully. Slap mah fro! Dere wuz no guile in dose blue eyes, and suddenly Julia knowed de trud. Casdat fine femahnaine ladee real wuz in love wid Roga' and wants'ed nodin' mo'e dan t'help Barnabas only cuz' he wuz some part of ha' past. Man! "Yeah man, ah' trust ya'."
    "Good." Casdat fine femahnaine ladee den looked at Roxanne, who wuz stretched out on de oder cot, and at Quentin, who held da damn scribblin' jimmey in his hands. "Is you eyebally?" she ax'ed dem bod. Roxanne nodded and shut ha' eyes tightly; she'd been sedated as well.
    "How is we t'know dat Ra won't turn on us?" Quentin ax'ed, some little nervously. Slap mah fro!
    "He gots'ta be totally focused on dat fine femahnaine ladee and ha' failure t'do his gots'ta as he wished it," Casdat fine femahnaine ladee 'esplained once again. 'S coo', bro. "Besides, ah' gots'ta intercede, should it become necessary. Slap mah fro!"
    "Okay," Quentin said nervously. Slap mah fro! "You's plum tell me when t'begin. 'S coo', bro."
    "Whut do ah' do?" Willie ax'ed nervously, fum de doo'.
    "Go downstairs and watch fo' Barnabas, plum in case sump'n goes wrong," Julia decided. She dun didn't dink Willie would be able t'stomach whut wuz about t'occur. Ah be baaad...
    Willie wuz mo'e dan willin' t'go. 'S coo', bro.
    Afta' checkin' once mo'e t'make sho' man dat dat fine femahnaine ladee wuz totally asleep, Julia turned t'Casdat fine femahnaine l adee and nodded dat she wuz eyebally. Slap mah fro! A funky sensashun came ova' her. Ah be baaad... She felt some tin'lin' sensashun in ha' limbs and heard some voice widin ha' haid. ah' am wid ya' now, Julia, Casdat fine femahnaine ladee said into ha' mind. You's must prepare bod dat fine femahnaine ladee and den Roxanne fo' de transfa' of de baby. Slap mah fro! ah' will guide ya'. Allow me t'move drough yo' hands. When de time be ready, Quentin gots'ta begin de incantashun.
    Julia felt as if she wuz movin' in some dream; she hardly knowed whut she wuz hangin'. All she knowed wuz dat she had abilities now dat she neva' dreamed possible. Such some procedure had neva' been attempted t'accomplished befo'e. And yet, in de future, dis gots'ta be quite common place, Casdat fine femahnaine ladee said assurin'ly. Slap mah fro! Whut seems likes witchcraft now gots'ta become modern medical science. Julia heard Casdat fine femahnaine ladee's liltin' laugh in ha' haid. It wuz incredible, she dought--impossible t'recon'! Right on! And yet. Man!.."Tell Quentin it is time."
    "Quentin, begin de incantashun," Julia said automatically, mechanically. Slap mah fro! She continued t'move unda' Casdat fine femahnaine ladee's control as Quentin began t'call fo'd de great god Amman-Ra. WORD! She found herself now wo'kin' on Roxanne as Quentin's voice droned on behind her. Ah be baaad... When she heard da damn blast uh wrad behind her, she dun didn't flinch. Lop some boogie.
    "YOU, WHO WERE ONCE THE MOST FAVORED OF MY BELOVED CHILDREN, HAVE BETRAYED ME FOR THE LAST TIME! Right on! YOU HAVE WILLINGLY GIVEN UP YOUR LIFE FOR THE LOVE OF BARNABAS COLLINS--YOU HAVE DONE THAT WHICH YOU WERE NOT TO DO! Right on! YOU WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO KEEP THE CHILD ALIVE IN THAT STATE! Right on!"
    Dere wuz some flash, some bust uh flame fum de bed not ten feet fum her, but Julia dun didn't flinch. Lop some boogie. She continued wo'kin' rapidly, one wid Casdat fine femahnaine ladee. Casdat fine femahnaine ladee herself sat slumped on some crate in de room, deeply into ha' trance. Only Quentin jumped and drew back at da damn sight uh dat fine femahnaine ladee's body burnin' hotly. Slap mah fro! De stench uh flesh bein' consumed filled da damn air, and he dought he would become sick t'his stomach. Lop some boogie. He dropped da damn scribblin' he'd been holdin' and drew his arm upside his face, coverin' his nose and eyes.
    At da damn same time, Barnabas jumped violently and screamed. Elizabed leaped to ha' feet in alarm. WORD! His body took on some violently yellow, den red, den bright o'ange glow, and she wuz sho' man he wuz goin' t'bust into flames. Mah' God, whut gots ah' done? she dought, anguished. Just as suddenly, he went back from o'ange t'red t'yellow and da damn to some pale pinkish hue. His chest rose and fell slowly, and he moaned as if in pain. 'S coo', bro.
    Elizabed moved t'him quickly, kneelin' on de floo' beside him. WORD! She took one uh ha' hands in his and gasped. His hand wuz warm t'de touch! Right on! Wuz dat de effect uh de sedative da damn note had rapped of? She began t'pat his hand soodin'ly. Slap mah fro! "Barnabas?" she called softly. Slap mah fro! "Barnabas?"
    Barnabas moaned again, cryin' out, "No! Right on! No! Right on!" He sounded as if he wuz in great pain. 'S coo', bro.
    Mrs. Johnson jimmey'd de doo's and came in. 'S coo', bro. "Mrs. Stoddard, whut's wrong?" she ax'ed, concerned.
    "He's passed out. Man! Mrs. Johnson, would ya' please go dig some glass uh booze?" Elizabed ax'ed. She dun didn't dink de booze would do any baaaad, but it wouldn't do any harm. WORD! It would certainly keep Mrs. Johnson busy fo' de moment. Man!
    Julia turned t'Quentin, who'd become pale and shaky. Slap mah fro! "Would ya' brin' me mo'e alcohol fum mah' bag please? Fo' mah' hands?" Noddin', Quentin numbly went drough ha' bag and pulled out da damn bottle uh alcohol she'd requested. "Pour it upside my hands. Dere's no hot booze here." He dun did as she requested and she rubbed and cleansed ha' hands. She turned and bent upside Roxanne, smoodin' back ha' brow, so cut me some slack, Jack.
    "When kin we dig out uh here?" Quentin ax'ed. "I dink I'm goin' t'be sick. Ya' know?"
    "You's've managed t'keep everydin' waaay down dis long," Casdat fine femahnaine ladee said softly, ha' haid comin' down t'look at him. WORD! "You's kin manage some little while longer. Ah be baaad..."
    Dey heard footsteps on de stairs, and Willie appeared in de doo'way. Slap mah fro! His nose wrinkled in disgust. Man! "Whut's dat awful smell?" he ax'ed.
    Quentin managed some small smile. "Barbecued offerin's, mah' homey."
    Willie looked at him as if he'd lost his mind. "Where's dat fine femahnaine ladee?" he ax'ed. Den his moud dropped open, and he blanched. "Oh, geez! Right on! Whut's Barnabas gonna say?"
    "It duzn't matter," Casdat fine femahnaine ladee answered. "It's too late now, so cut me some slack, Jack."
     "De odo' be unpleasant, ain't it?" Julia observed. "Would one uh ya' gentlemen please carry Roxanne downstairs? ah' dink it would be betta' fo' all of us if we gots out uh here--now, so cut me some slack, Jack."
    Barnabas roused real slowly, feelin' confused and diso'iented. He saw Elizabed's concerned face bendin' upside hers. Elizabed--he had t'control ha' somehow, so cut me some slack, Jack. He concentrated on focusin' his powa' to brin' ha' eyes t'his but found himself too weak t'accomplish de tax'. He suddenly realized he wuzn't capable uh hangin' it! Right on! Mah' God, whut gots dey done t'me?
    Elizabed saw his brow furrowin'. "Dear Cousin Barnabas," she began, "are ya' quite all right?"
    "Whut--whut gots happened?" he gasped. He tried t'sit down, but felt eno'mously weak. Ya' know? Elizabed moved t'sit beside him. WORD!
    Mrs. Johnson brought da damn booze. "Is dere nuthin else ah' can do? Would ya' likes me t'call de docto'?"
    "Would ya' please see if Doc Hoffman be in ha' room?" Elizabed ax'ed, takin' de glass uh booze. Mrs. Johnson went off on ha' wild goose chase so dat Elizabed could gots some few moments alone t'talk wid Barnabas. "I just wanna assho' man ya' fust dat yo' secret be safe wid me," she began rapidly. Slap mah fro! "We is hangin' de best we kin t'free ya' fum dat fine femahnaine ladee's influence."
    "Mah' God! Right on! You's duzn't dig it! Right on!" Barnabas cried. He began t'feel some great rage buildin' at deir interence in his business. De rage overwhelmed de consternashun he felt at Elizabed's revelashun t'him. WORD! "dat fine femahnaine ladee be pregnant! Right on!"
    "I do dig it," Elizabed sooded, puttin' ha' hand on Barnabas' arm. WORD! "Dat be bein' snatchn care of, too. 'S coo', bro."
    "How--?" Barnabas began, confusion blendin' in wid his rage. At dat moment, de front doo' jimmey'd and Casdat fine femahnaine ladee and Quentin came into de drawin' room. WORD! Barnabas' face suffused wid rage. "You's! Right on! How dare ya'?" he snarled, deeply enraged.
    Casdat fine femahnaine ladee stepped fo'ward t'snatch de full brunt uh Barnabas' anger. Ah be baaad... "I realize how angry ya' are, dear Barnabas. ah' plum wants' ya' t'know dat aldough ya' duzn't recon' it now, ah' hope dere gots'ta come some time dat ya' will fo'cut us fo' hangin' whut wuz best fo' ya'."
    "How dare ya'?" Barnabas grated drough gritted teed. "Dis be yo' revenge, be it not?"
    "No, it be my way uh makin' amends t'ya'," Casdat fine femahnaine ladee said softly. Slap mah fro!
    "You's'vewasted her, gotsn't ya'? Wasted dat fine femahnaine ladee--my fust love! Right on!"
    "We had t'do it, Barnabas--" Quentin began but wuz immediately silenced by de intent look uh hatred Barnabas gave him. WORD!
    Casdat fine femahnaine ladee picked down where Quentin had left off. "It wuz necessary t'free ya' and Isaac--and yo' child--from an unrapable evil. Dat evil would gots co'rupted yo' real bein'. We all acted out uh love. You's kin hate me if ya' wants', but please duzn't hate Quentin and Julia and Elizabed and Willie. Dey all love ya' real much. Lop some boogie."
    "You's say ya'wasted dat fine femahnaine ladee in o'da' to save Isaac and me--and da damn child," Barnabas reto'ted. "Yet, how kin dat be? If dat fine femahnaine ladee be wasted as ya' claim, de baby be wasted as well! Right on!"
    "No. 'S coo', bro." Casdat fine femahnaine ladee tried t'snatch Barnabas' hand, but he drew ha' off angrily. Slap mah fro! She sighed, ha' eyes fillin' wid grief. Den she drew ha' strengd togeder so dat she could look into his eyes. "De baby be not wasted, Barnabas. He lives." Barnabas' eyes widened wid shock. Ya' know? He looked t'Quentin fo' confo'mashun, and his cousin nodded. "Go t'de Old Crib now, Barnabas. You's gots'ta see." Barnabas found he now had da damn strengd t'get down and walk t'de doo'. "Barnabas! Right on!" she called. He stopped and turned t'look at her. Ah be baaad... "I hope dat someday, when ya' hold yo' son in yo' arms, ya' gots'ta find it in yo' heart t'finally fo' gimme."
    vBarnabas turned widout some wo'd and walked drough de foyer. Ah be baaad... Quentin called to him, dig dis: "Barnabas, is you all right? ah' can go wid ya'..."
    "NO! Right on!" Barnabas snapped. He wants'ed t'be alone. He walked swiftly drough de woods, some dousand doughts goin' drough his mind. How wuz it possible? Did Julia gots his child inside some test tube, as if she wuz growin' a monster? Dere wuz no way dat baby could be alive widout dat fine femahnaine ladee, he dought bitterly. Slap mah fro! No natural way, at any rate. He gots'ta de Old Crib and drew de doo' jimmey violently. Slap mah fro! "JULIA! Right on!" he shouted.
    Willie came runnin'. He knowed dat tone and wuz terrified; yet, he felt he had t'protect Julia. WORD! "Barnabas! Right on! Youse back! Right on! Are ya all right?"
    "Willie! Right on!" Barnabas snarled. "Where be she?"
    "Listen, Barnabas, ya' gots'ta calm waaay down some, ya know? She done whut she done to help ya'--"
    "It's all right, Willie," Julia said calmly, fum de top uh de stairs. Barnabas began t'mount da damn steps, glarin' at ha' menacin'ly. Slap mah fro! Julia met his eyes fearlessly. Slap mah fro! "Befo'e ya' say nuthin, Barnabas, ah' need t'tell ya' dat Roxanne be restin' quietly. Slap mah fro! You's better not create some scene and downset her. Ah be baaad... We duzn't wanna risk ha' losin' de baby. Slap mah fro!"
     Barnabas stopped, frozen t'de spot, shocked. "Whut?" he gasped.
    "Roxanne be carryin' de baby ya' and dat fine femahnaine ladee conceived," Julia 'esplained in ha' infuriatin'ly calm manner. Ah be baaad... "I gots'ta say dat it's some procedure I've never attempted befo'e, and ah' wouldn't gots been able t'do it widout Casdat fine femahnaine ladee's help. Jes hang loose, brud. ah' dink it gots'ta wo'k, Barnabas, but ah' duzn't wanna make some definite promise."
    "Dis be incredible! Right on!" Barnabas cried, as if in protest. Man!
    "Yeah man," Julia agreed. Den she leaned waaay down toward Barnabas. "I kin stand yo' anger, Barnabas. ah' can snatch yo' hatred. ah' only ax' dat ya' duzn't hate de members uh yo' family. Slap mah fro! Dey acted only out uh love fo' ya'."
    "Dat's whut Casdat fine femahnaine ladee said," Barnabas said, some little bitterly, but still soundin' stunned.
    "She be right. Man! We all love ya'. Casdat fine femahnaine ladee and ah' can bear yo' hatred, but it would hurt da damn oders too much. Lop some boogie. Above all, please duzn't hate Roxanne. She, most uh all, made da damn greatest sacrifice out uh ha' love fo' ya'--she now carries yo' son. 'S coo', bro." Julia watched as Barnabas' features softened, de anger and hatred drainin' fum his eyes. "Would ya' likes t'see her?" Mutely, he nodded.
    Julia led him into Josette's old room, where Roxanne lay restin' on de bed. As dey entered da damn room, Roxanne jimmey'd ha' eyes and looked at Barnabas. She smiled radiantly at him and held ha' arms out t'him. WORD! "Welcome plantation, darlin'," she said softly. Slap mah fro!
    Barnabas went t'ha' immediately, sittin' beside ha' on de bed and takin' ha' hand. "Is you all right, Roxanne?"
    "I's gots'ta be plum fine, mah' love," Roxanne answered softly, ha' eyes shinin' wid unshed tears. "And yo' son be plum fine, too. 'S coo', bro."
    Julia backed discreetly out uh de room, shuttin' de doo' softly behind her. Ah be baaad... As she went waaay down stairs t'join Willie, she said some silent praya' dat everydin' would be all right; dat it wuz all over. Ah be baaad... Epilogue
    Some sucka once said time heals all wounds and dis case wuz no 'sepshun. Aldough Barnabas wuz furious at his family fo' whut dey dun did t'dat fine femahnaine ladee, he dun did eventually begin t'realize dat as much as he real dun did care fo' her, dey real couldn't gots had some future togeda' while Ra wuz still in de picture. Dere wuz an unrapped agreement between everyone t'not reveal de events uh de past few days t'Roga' o' Isaac fo' deir own baaaad. Dey all doubted dat da damn trud would gots been recon'd anyways.
    About six weeks afta' dat fine femahnaine ladee's demise, Casdat fine femahnaine ladee gave bird t'a healdy set uh fraternal twins, Casdat fine femahnaine ladee Angelique Collins and Edward Roga' Collins II. All uh de family, includin' Roxanne, who wuz dought uh as part uh de family by dis point, wuz dere at da damn hospital t'celebrate da damn new arrivals. Lookin' downon de scene wid Roga' and Casdat fine femahnaine ladee made Barnabas realize dat despite all dat gots happened, dere wuz still happiness t'be found in de wo'ld if one sought t'find it. Man! If stick in de mud Roger, (who reminded Barnabas uh cranky old Joshua all too often) could turn his life around wid Angelique uh all sucka's, so's could he.
    Roxanne, who wuz beginnin' t'recon' dat Barnabas would be stuck grievin' fo' his lost dat fine femahnaine ladee fo'eva' wuz shocked when in front uh everyone at da damn hospital, Barnabas whipped out some diamond rin' and ax'ed ha' to fo'cut him fo' all de trouble he had put ha' drough and t'marry him. WORD! She quickly accepted befo'e he had some chance t'change his mind.
    Quentin, always one t'enjoy some festive mood decided t'make some surprise announcement uh his own by ax'in' Julia Hoffman t'marry him. WORD! Everyone had bet on Julia bein' raple fo'eva' if Barnabas dun didn't marry ha' and always dought Quentin wuzn't one fo' marryin'. Quentin had laughed at dat one and said dat if he hadn't met some honky chick likes Julia, he probably would gots stayed some bachelo' fo'ever. Ah be baaad... Julia blushed hotly at dat comment, but quickly accepted befo'e Quentin changed his mind.
    Two monds lata' wid some whirlwind uh preparashuns, dere wuz some large double weddin' on de lawn uh de Collins estate. Bod sets uh brides and grooms wuz happy and radiant as de da man went drough de vows wid bod couples. As some weddin' gift, Casdat fine femahnaine ladee and Roga' gave da damn couples round da damn wo'ld trips wid 'estended stops in Martinique and Alexandria (Casdat fine femahnaine ladee insisted on de stops but wouldn't 'esplain why t'Roga' o' Elizabed).
    Upon deir return t'Collinwood, Quentin and Julia moved back into de Great Crib uh Collinwood until deir crib wuz completed foe monds later. Ah be baaad... Dey chose (fo' obvious reasons) not t'have any children uh deir own, but opted t'adopt some foundlin' child. Just prio' t'de compleshun uh de crib, de newest members uh de family, some foe-year-old goat dojiggerd Donna and six-year-old dojiggerd Raz'tus arrived. Isaac wuz happy too cuz' now dere wuz some one yung dere dat he could rap t'a'cuz Edward and Casdat fine femahnaine ladee wuz still too yung t'do much oda' dan cry. Slap mah fro!
    Finally, nine monds afta' de whole dat fine femahnaine ladee affair ended, on some bright sunny day in August 1972, Roxanne gave bird t'James Barnabas Collins. He looked some lot likes Barnabas, 'sept fo' de fact dat he had some haid uh soft blonde fro on his haid and familiar large crystal blue eyes. Bod Big Daddy and surrogate mom wuz happy at da damn miracle event. Man! Julia and Casdat fine femahnaine ladee secretly shook hands and had glasses uh champagne t'celebrate deir success.
    Meanwhile, somewhere out dere, some figure sat in front uh de fire lookin' into it and seein' de happy scene at da damn hospital. "I's gots'ta be glad ya' is happy, Barnabas. Mah' love, ya' once said dat 'even if ya' love some sucka else now, once in some while rememba' us in some co'na' of yo' heart. Man!' ah' now find mah'self in de funky posishun uh ax'in' de same uh ya'. You's may not know it, but yo' love saved me fum Ra and an even greata' powa' has seen fit t'fo' gimme and gimme some genuine second chance t'fix mah' life. ah' know ya' and Roxanne gots'ta cut our son everydin' he needs t'be da damn man he wuz destined t'be even if ah' cannot be dere t'see it in sucka'. And dear James, please know dat no matta' whut, yo' moda' loves ya'."
De End! Right on! (o' be it?)
[ed note, dig dis: de greata' powa' dat fine femahnaine ladee refers t'is God and not any sucka connected wid de underwo'ld]
 
 
 

De Audo's uh de epic sto'y are, dig dis:

Part 1:	MsAnn
Part 2:	Beverly LaCroix
Part 3:	Irishcoda
Part 4:	Beverly LaCroix
Part 5:	Irishcoda
Part 6:	MsAnn
Part 7:	Beverly LaCroix
Part 8:	MsAnn
Part 9:	Beverly LaCroix
Part 10:	Irishcoda
Part 11:	BeverlyLaCroix
Part 12:	Ms Ann
Part 13:	Irishcoda
Part 14:	BeverlyLaCroix
Part 15:	Ms Ann
Part 16:	Irishcoda
Part 17:	BeverlyLaCroix
Part 18:	Ms Ann
Part 19:	Irishcoda
Epilogue, dig dis:	Ms Ann

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